One word...Gratitude

In my networking group the Lucky Ladies, we had a life coach join us on Thursday to help with goal mapping. It's interesting because throughout the morning hours leading to the meeting, I felt my thoughts becoming a bit unintentionally snubbish. A feeling similar to, "I know what we are going to do. I do SMART goal training with my clients in Power Fitness PDX all the time and have worked with life coaches before".  But when walking through the door, I pushed that feeling aside and made myself be open to any and every feeling I would experience in the 90 minutes.  The timing was perfect too becauseI had an epiphany the night before, and wanted to see if it would meld with what I was about to learn.

Have you ever mapped a goal before? Professionally or personally? It is one of the most rewarding and also challenging experiences if you truly dive into the "why".  Some of the professional goals I have aren't concurrent with my personal goals; they haven't been blending well and I've been trying to figure out how to keep my own internal peace.  With goals you want to think of the What, Why and your value system and as you create your action plan to make the goals happen.  It's easy for me to think "I want to create my own fitness studio" and "I want to create a line of workout DVD's", since they are goals that has popped into my head off and on over the last 15 years.  Some parts of them seem incredibly rewarding, but other aspects such as being the key command person, are daunting.  With contemplating my own goals, I wrote down everything I want to accomplish through July 2013.  Goals ranging from fitness writing, set childcare specific hours, bookkeeper for business,  to family vacation days every month.  One challenge of being an entrepreneur is your mind continues to think of new ideas, but when also a Mom who is the primary caretaker with a limited childcare budget, it can get tricky.  So I mapped, thought, dove deep into what I truly want out of my personal and professional life this next year.  And continued to think of one word- gratitude.

After goal mapping, we went through a Value Assessment. It is a list of 51 words ranging from Abundance and Accomplishment to Trust and Wisdom.  The objective is to see if your personal and professional value words meld together, creating a symbiotic balance to achieve your goals. For me, the word that continued to be my top was Gratitude.  And it resonated as the group shared what their words were, discussing means to find a blend of words to grow goals from.

I started writing on a sheet how and why I am grateful and the gratitude I have for my family, life, work, balance, etc.  The epiphany from the night before popped to the front of my brain like a movie on repeat...and it was this: 

Like many Moms, I have been struggling with how to blend my childcare hours with professional hours. This Summer we don't have childcare.  The kids are in a few camps, but mostly it's "Camp of Mom" while this Mom, moi, is working on a couple big business projects.  During this time I have been creating art projects, swim time, cannon ball challenges, play dates, adventure days, etc. I have also been fielding the sibling fights, Emerson tantrums of figuring out what being 4.5 years old is, and managing Shirey house domestic peace. I know some days my planned work time won't happen, which creates heavy anxiety. Because I put aside 60 minutes to work and write, doesn't mean Emerson and Makenzie have that same plan for their creative Lego time. When that happens, work is put aside, I play Legos and we go to the park.  We do this because I also don't want to miss a moment of partaking in their daily lives. 

I know, hard to have it both ways, but I have been struggling to figure out how I can. Having lost so much time of Emerson and Makenzie's fun daily life when both were sick, and knowing how fast time flies with them being little, I don't want the feeling 5 years from now aching for them to be little again.  I don't want to feel guilty that I didn't spend enough time playing Barbie's, listening to their creative songs, engaging in conversations when walking hand in hand, teaching them about health and living brightly. I already fee; this on some days when I am working, and I know I will feel like that deeper and deeper each year they age.  Every night as I look at their sweet sleeping faces, I remember their little rosebud mouths and chubby cheeks when tiny babies. 

My nontraditional schedule allows me a lot of playing with these two monkeys

Wednesday was a day when the work- balance wasn't in balance. No balance at all. The entire day while Makenzie was at camp, from 9:00-3:15, Emerson was flipping my 90/10 rule and was 90 % a pickle, and 10% fantastic.  When she was finally fine in the afternoon, it was after I had lost my windows for computer time to do bookkeeping and work.  Jack arrived home, I rushed to teach the evening TRX class. When I returned 90 minutes later, Jack and the girls were getting ready for a bike ride. Girls smiling, Jack asked me to run with him. I waivered with going upstairs to work for an hour, or run with my family. Running won and we set off to run to frozen yogurt.  Perfect Summer night, kids happy, and entire family is active.  We got to frozen yogurt and Jack and I took turns racing laps around the block, attempting to beat our times each lap.  The girls eating frozen yogurt while cheering us along. Emerson decided to join us for a couple laps.  I ran along side her, watching her strong body, determined face and visible joy. She said to me, "Mommy, I can do this. I am doing a sport with you.  It's like the See Jane Run race. I am fast like you."  Eyes welled with tears at how incredible she is. The words hit me again as if I was looking at a ginormous billboard spelling out, "YOU, be grateful and full of gratitude".  Earlier in the day my goal was to stay calm with E's meltdowns, get a couple work To Do's done, and feel good at day's end.  

Yet, at that moment, I felt incredibly grateful and full of gratitude.

Grateful I was given this opportunity to be in the moment and let go of everything but being with her running.

Grateful for a family that has so much fun together.  
Grateful for two daughters who only know how to feel strong, active, adventurous, eager for happiness, and full of love. 
Grateful for a husband who works hard and supports my goals and dreams in the health and fitness industry, encouraging me along the way to go for projects I initially thought were out of my reach.  
Grateful for the ability to feel OK with having less money, but more time with the kids. 
Grateful that my business has me working in the morning before anyone is awake and I get to appreciate the sunrise daily.
Grateful for a schedule that allows me to walk Makenzie to school daily.
Grateful for Jack and I emptying out ideas of what we "should" be doing, and creating what we want to be doing.
Grateful for laughter filled moments with friends as we laugh about everything and anything.
Grateful for my own parents and siblings who are close by and love my family as much as I do.
Grateful for the opportunity to do what I love daily in health and fitness, helping people reach outside of their comfort zone and owning their strength and even stronger bodies. 
Grateful to know I need to live in the Moment.
Grateful to have the feeling that if something doesn't get done for work because of a kiddo factor, it is OK and will be good because my kids will always win over work. 

Thus, when going over the values assessment at the Lucky Ladies meeting, the strongest word resonating with my gut was Gratitude.  Realizing that allowed me to throw out a couple old goals that I honestly, don't want.  Yep, I actually decided to toss a few that have traveled years with me, out the window. The DVD goal would pull me away from my family to much right now, and I realized wouldn't have me feel grateful, but most likely more stressed.  One of my new goals is to create quality mini videos similar to the fitness challenge I did.  Goal shift is acceptable because I am happy on various levels and immediately feel less stress.  I am trying to eliminate stresses, not create them, which is what some bigger professional goals would be at this moment. So I shared. I shared with the group how I am grateful.  I am grateful for some big professional goals that are coming to fruition, and for the grateful list I created to keep me focused to what is important...to me.  As I shared, I felt lighter.  I felt excited. I felt joyous. I felt OK with throwing out a couple old goals.  Most of all I felt Grateful.

Daughters

When I first had Makenzie, the breath was knocked out of me. Literally, it was, but figuratively too.  We rushed to UCLA after dropping off our taxes, were “tskked tssskked” by a delivery nurse and my Mother in Law, who were both there waiting for us at check in. Already in trouble yet I hadn’t even had my baby yet.  We were nervously rushing ...only to wait for the doctor and nurses, who were fighting over my care.  They were still fighting when I was sitting with needles in my spine for the epidural.  Ah, nothing like that sort of uncomfort with needles in your back.  And then, for whatever reason, my body decided to respond poorly to the epidural and it felt like elephants were walking on my chest. They were stomping away and I couldn’t breath, while feeling like a big gorilla waiting on the operating table.  Jack and my Mom weren’t allowed in the room due to the complications, and my nerves were heightened.  All I could think was, “Please get Makenzie out safely and then worry about me”. Gratefully the anaesthesiologist was able to work some magic to stabilize me, Jack was able to join me with Mom watching, and Makenzie was welcomed to the world on April 12th, 2004 at 5:51 pm.  When the nurse showed her to us, and Jack brought her over to meet me, my breath was taken away for the best reasons. The reasons of complete awe and intense gratitude.

Sisters - April 2009 Ages 1 & 5

Emerson’s delivery was comical, and almost a tell tale sign of her little personality.  I had been determined to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarean) but my body wasn’t on the same plan. The day before our back up C-Section date our doctor, Dr. Hamilton, Jack and I decided the C-Section was the safest option for my body and our little baby. The following day, Friday, January 25, 2008, would be Emerson's birth date.  5:00 am Friday morning Jack and I arrive on a freezing cold Winter day to Emanuel Hospital ... only to find out we were at the wrong hospital! Who goes to the wrong hospital to deliver their kiddo…well the Shirey’s and Dr. Hamilton all did! Emanuel was the hospital for our VBAC, since it was high risk, but we were delivering via C-Section.

Laughter ensues, all the Providence Portland nurses tease how this has never happened.  No stress, just laughs, and excitement.  We’re in the operating room and the team's started playing Bob Marley followed by Boys to Men. While splayed out being ready to have surgery begin, the music made me reminisce of Bishop O’Dowd High School dances. Jack and Dr. Hamilton are discussing my prenatal core routine since he was complimenting my abs as dissecting them, another random funny that was a great one for a pregnant Mama.  Within minutes, at 8:10 am, Emerson arrives and brought immediate joy and laughter.  Complete and utter sweet joy and jubulience.

Two different deliveries. Two very different daughters, requiring two very different patient levels.  Whew, patience.  People tell you that you need a lot of calm with your “patience voice” when you have children. However, nobody ever said the supply has to be endless, non-stop, and full of butterflies and candy coated kindness when it wants to sound like a fire breathing dragon.  This week has been a week with the fire breathing dinosaur eager to chomp on the butterflies and let loose. It has been a week repeating the mantra, “Keep calm and carry on”. It has also been a week that’s created dream like and blissful memories within the craziness. 

Emerson, Age 4.5, Lake Tahoe 7.14.12

Our daughters are different, very different.  The way they act, respond, express, digress, and encourage is wildly and wonderfully different.  That being said, I have to constantly remind myself of their unique ways of dealing with anything bothersome.  I love how different they are.  I admire them for being who they are without any pretense, and incredible pride.  When age 4.5 years Emerson is having meltdown after meltdown in levels neither Jack or I remember happening with Makenzie, we have to bite our tongues and calm E down in means requiring more pixie patience dust to add to the patience bucket.  And while the meltdowns were fewer and far between before, for whatever reason the past 6 weeks they have been intense when they happen, and unbreakable.  We've been figuring out what her triggers are, and I know I have to almost set my own clock every 90 minutes for Emerson to eat and drink her water in order to keep up her energy just like a puppy dog.

Here is the pickle...she is DELIGHTFUL when she is not mad.  Purely magic, funny, vibrant, and love filled. She fills my love tank to the brim with kisses, cuddles, laughs, sweet words, funny moments and time that I want to go on forever.   That is the 85-90% of the time, it truly is.  

Similar to the eating rule of 90/10 I tell my clients.  90 % of the time eat good clean food and 10-15% of the time you can enjoy the treats of life.  For Emerson, 90% of the time  

she is brilliantly clean and effortless love in true from.

10% of the time she makes me want to grab a bottle of wine, take a straw 

and drink the bottle in one sitting. 

 

Makenzie, age 8, Lake Tahoe 7.14.12

And while we are figuring Emerson at age 4.5, we are attempting to learn our first child's navigation in life.  She is a protector by nature, a talker, compassionate, a storyteller, silly, mature beyond years in some ways and also has the traditional first born traits.  With Emerson we worry about tantrums, with Makenzie we try to channel her back, word wise, so everyone has a turn to talk.  She has the best stories to tell, confidence to talk to anyone and everyone, and the ability to shift conversation and keep it alive.  But with that gift comes the challenge of when to reign it in.  With missing almost all of first grade and being around so many adults, her ability to converse with eye contact challenges many of today's teens.  It also means she is incredibly determined, with the words to support her desires, to get her "way" within the family. With her conversational skills come brilliant one liners that make a parent proud, but not when they are attempting to be stern in discipline.  It is a tricky line to walk, because confidence is what you want your children to have more than anything.  We want Makenzie to keep her confidence in who she is, while also respecting that other people have stories to tell and opinions about various events too.   

So I am learning as a parent, along with Jack, how to deal with each moment of challenge.  Different deliveries, very different daughters.  When I want to talk like a fire breathing dragon, I hold back and think of what I can learn out of the moment. Honestly, parenting is easier said than done as we all know.  What is it I can evolve from in this endless moment of screaming, hitting, yelling, hair pulling and tears?  Are these the moments prepping us for when they are teenagers? Emerson might punch a wall and Makenzie might talk back like a sailor? I hope not! I hope they will be perfect and delightful all the time...but they won't. Nor will I.  I will be the 90/10 rule myself.  I know that in the 10% of time, the time when I want to slam the door with frustration and lace up to pound the pavement for a solo run, I am a great parent to my two very dynamic daughters.  With that, I know it will all be OK... 90% of the time. 

Happy Independence Day!

Happy Independence Day!  What a great day in America. So much fun, full of fireworks, laughter, parades, showing support and camaraderie for living in an incredible country.  Guess what though? I have been thinking lately about how incredible it is to also be independent of negative body image and self talk.  There have been numerous instances the past weeks allowing me to free myself of certain barriers holding me back... for whatever reasons; many that I didn't even realize still existed. Be independent of those barriers my friends, be independent!

Throughout the past 14 days I have put on a special challenge for anyone needing a push and jump start in their health and fitness. The Challenge came to be because of some boot campers coming to class, but feeling in a rut, and from hearing others share the same sentiments. So I decided I'd put a Challenge together to challenge myself to get out of my rut, to encourage people to feel clean from the inside out. I had no idea along the way while doing the videos I would gain more body confidence and more independence of certain ideals holding me back.

When I was 14-24 I suffered an eating disorder, but body image issues began when I was in elementary school.  I remember writing in an old Ramona Quimby journal at age 10 that my wish for my birthday was to lose 10 pounds.  At age 10 I thought that!  I did sports and was active, but always felt the squat girl in school.  In Junior High I played soccer, swim team, had fun with friends but the little voice was in the back of my brain saying I was to big for what I was "supposed to be". Gradually the eating disorder started in 8th grade.  While dormant off and on throughout my teens, it would leap out to bite me in the arse whenever there were stressful situations. Ironically having an eating disorder is what helped me decide to get into the field of health and fitness in High School.  I had a desire to help other girls develop their self-esteem through athletics. I gained more and more confidence each month as I learned about my own strengths within.  But there would be days I would look at myself in the mirror and think of Jyo B. calling me a short fat girl my freshman year. I was a whopping 97 pounds.  Incredible how the nasty comments by someone when young can stick with you; their hurt full words do sting like a bee. But you can free yourself from their poisonous sting with lots of miles and mental  coaching.

E Riding Proudly on 4th of July

The stinging sensation that crawls under your skin with every negative comment, either from someone else or from your inner voices, is horrid.  I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy. It breaks your soul into pieces, and picking up the mess of the pieces is a long process.  A very long process that can be done, it truly can.  It can happen with time, therapy, confidence, courage and believing in yourself.  Fortunate for me, I have had an incredibly supportive family and got married to the most supportive husband a girl could ask for. Both of whom helped me discover and evolve the inner strengths I had, while I was helping other women and men do the same.

Rush forward to June 2012.  I have been in the health and fitness industry since I was 20, learning so much each class I teach.  I want to always instill body confidence in every client, regardless of what size the participant is.  One of the goals is for my clients is to leave the notions at the door of what they "should" look like, where they were size wise as a collegiate athlete, and focus with where they are NOW  There is no shortage of time to make themselves the healthiest and strongest they have ever been, but they have to start with where their body is currently.  You can't go back in time, but only can move forward and create the life you want to live.  Naturally with that growth comes an inner strength and courage to accept and love their bodies. To conquer the demons of "I can't", "I hate my belly", "I wish my back was strong" is hard work. It is change and getting strong through push ups, pull ups, sprints, high jumps. With each repetition  of the exercises, there are kind words of support to themselves.  Repeating, "This year will be my best yet.  I CAN DO THIS! I will talk to myself the way I would my children and my best friend."  Yes, it can sound a bit silly at first but it works.  Repetition works.

HAPPY & Independent Mama and E

What also works is being a role model to those around you, the little ones who look up to you each day.  For me it is our  little girls who you have a desire to raise to strong young women proud of their bodies, proud of their ability to run far and play hard.  To know my daughters only know of a scale for stepping on it proudly to see how "big" they are growing is significant to me, verses stepping on a scale to see how much they weigh.  Watching them ask to do pull ups on the bar in our kitchen warms my heart.  Hearing them ask to go for bike rides and admire the muscles in their legs while cycling melts me.  Listening to them sing loudly as they practice cartwheels repeatedly is music to my ears.  Little bubbles of joy let out each time I see them compliment themselves and their strengths. 

Thus, repetition of kindness, support and giving compliments to yourself are great ways to improve your self esteem. It helps you gain more independence of the negative thoughts that seem to hinder around.  When filming the Challenge videos, I have laughed at the funny angles of my body.  I've noticed phrases I repeat to much and that my core is strong but can use more strengthening. But with noticing both, I realized don't feel bad for who I am and what my body looks like. I see how encouraging I am towards those I film the videos for.  I have noticed that while I may be short and a mesomorph, my back muscles pop out from doing thousands of push ups and pull ups.  While watching the videos, I became truly aware of the little amount of time it's been post surgeries to now watching my body comfortably jump all over the camera motivating others to do the same.  I notice my interactions with my youngest daughter when she pops into filming; how easy and happy she is playing.  While I have learned certain angles are better than others, I feel good that doing the videos share and show you can be a real Mom, an athlete, raise happy little kids, juggle work while making health, fitness and yourself a priority in life.  I also notice that it shows I am HAPPY. The happiness and confidence comes across on camera.  That is the best gift I have given myself, my kids, my friends, and clients. 

While I am naturally an optimistic and happy person, the happiness on camera that shows is a byproduct from gaining independence of the old negative body image thoughts.  Sure, I would love to look like Dara Torres but I never will and I am perfectly fine with that.  I can admire her incredible strength and the hours put in to developing those muscles. I am the one and only ME, and you are the one and only YOU.  Love your body...short, tall, apple, pear, with extra love on your hips or extra love on your tummy.  Love your body as it changes and grows, getting stronger and more solid each workout.  Thank your body for allowing you to push through each day, with every activity  you do.  Enjoy your body as it becomes the healthiest yet.  

I ask you...be independent of negative thoughts from this 4th of July on. Look at your ONE body and love it.  If you have little elements you want to change- do sports and activities that make you feel good.  Open up to embrace your COURAGE!!  Look at what you have done with life, who you are, and what you want to become.  YOU can become anything and do anything at any age. Right now, I am going to become a sweaty mess and embrace my strong legs and back while doing so in the gym.

Happy Independence Day!!

xoxoxo Erin

* Take a moment to read the post on Scales. Also a byproduct of the Challenge, and helping others.  Put my weight out there without thinking twice.  *

Crack, WAKE UP!

Last week an article started floating around the web from The Atlantic, titled Why Women Can't Have it All. It is fantastic, and I encourage all Moms and Dads to read it.  There is an incredible amount of pressure on women to do it “all”.  As I heard one person respond, “It is almost as if our Moms worked so hard to give us incredible opportunities, but now we are supposed to do them all perfectly.” According to "whom", are we to do them perfectly? Is it a huge pressure we put on ourselves to be "all" to everyone and in everything we do.  And women are tough on each other at times without even realizing it.  There is an insane amount of guilt and the teeter totter affect when juggling work and family that is unending.  I feel it is our job as humans to live richly, and own what we are doing and the choices we make, for ourselves and our families.

Interestingly enough as I feel I need to own my choices, I have been trying to step back the past couple years and feel good with not being "all" to every aspect of my life.  When having to relocate and start over, redefine your role in a community, in your own business, and as a Mom and wife, you have an opportunity to decide what to shift.  After Makenzie was sick and I started back to teaching full force in January 2011, I redefined my balance.  As Makenzie embarked on her first full year in school in 2nd grade, there was a huge part of me that felt I should  do every activity possible since she had missed so much of 1st grade.  I signed up to be co-Room Mom, Art Docent, lead Walk -A-Thon Warm Ups, volunteer at every class event I could and able to participate as much as I could in her school.  And guess what...that juggling with my business, especially before and after the surgeries this past December, made me reassess why I felt I needed to make everything happen at once.

Picture of my Family in Balance

In February, after the double knee surgery, I was forced to redefine who I am as a Personal Trainer and business owner. I had to decide what goals I can manifest into reality with hard work and which had to be put on hold for the present time. I had to retrain how I teach, how I train others, and what I could and couldn't do.  It has been hard because some of the goals I put on hold with relocating in 2010 and Makenzie being sick, I've been eager and excited to put into fruition.  In addition to owning Power Fitness PDX and teaching boot camps and fitness workshops, I used to do fitness segments for Better TV, had a couple fitness columns in magazines, wrote fitness and parenting/juggle pieces, led workshops, and was immersed in a big business community.  In 2010, As I was ready to start some of those goals locally when we had felt established in Alameda post relocation, my parenting hat was put on tight for 4 months and emergency mode in effect.  After Bug was home from UCSF and we evolved last year, a part of me wanted to prove I could make the professional and athletic goals happen immediately, to feel that my own needs were being met, and life was in balance.  Fast forward 18 months and I had ingrained in my head that after the surgery, I would do my Physical Therapy and be able to get started on making ALL the elements of my old life happen again. It was a feeling to prove I could do it all, to myself, and to those who knew me in my previous life in Portland and new life in Alameda.  Unknowingly, I felt I had to prove to myself I could create better balance financially with limited work time, and lots of play time with my kids. In other words, cram everything into the limited childcare time, and then I could be fully present as Mom, and also fully present as a trainer.

Guess what? I wasn't in balance as much as I thought I was. I realized the balance I needed at the time was to step back to redefine what I could and couldn't commit to.  With owning your own business and creating goals, it means if you can't commit to some of the goals, you can't commit to yourself.  It can envelope a feeling of defeat.... But it can also be a gift to feel you can have a rebirth in redefining what you are and what you want from work/life balance at any time. Guess what? We all can at any time, regardless of profession, redefine what we are, what we want from work/life balance.

One big 2011-2012 goal was to have both Makenzie and Emerson have an uber normal school year, no medical hiccups or moves, and have our life FEEL good. Overall that goal came to fruition.  While some of my work goals have been put on hold, a significant personal goal was accomplished.  That feels GOOD. During the work week, I have also created a balance that I won't trade for the world. It is one that evolves but the past year, Tuesdays and Thursdays have been solely days with Emerson(and Makenzie when she is on school holidays) to play and do whatever she wants. Venture to Farmer's Market, play at Washington "Fish" Park for hours, visit the pool to be mermaids, create sand castles at the beach or enjoy pancakes and stay in jammies until lunchtime.  On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I won't do work events during the day, nor will I slip away to the computer unless it is during or after E's quiet time or sports classes. That feels good and is a shift compared to my life a few years back.  I tried to keep Tuesdays and Thursdays open when Makenzie was 4years old, but work would creep in.  There was a distinct feeling of guilt that I wasn't being a good business owner for every email I didn't respond to within 2 hours.  Today, I am fine knowing I can get back to the non-time sensitive emails the following day, since I am enjoying timeless moments with my daughters. I also have realized it is ok, I am not being a neglectful Mom, if I need to add more childcare hours to the week if we feel it will help our family balance. 

Mind you, I have chosen this too.  I could be making more money, live in a bigger house, and drive a nicer car.  I could present at more health and fitness conferences expanding my credibility in the industry, in addition to writing more paid articles. But opportunities will always be there to embark on. Emerson at age 4.5 years and Makenzie at age 8.25 years will not always be there.  My experience with their health issues and how unexpected life is has evolved who I am, and how I am willing to work, as a Mom and Business Owner.  While I don't wish the experiences of hospitalized kids upon anyone, I am grateful that from them, I feel more confident with each shift in the work/life/goal balance.

Interestingly enough, we all resort to thoughts sometimes that fool our brains. Such as, "What if I were doing x,y,z with my life? Would the success make me a better woman?". On Sunday, I was thinking about The Atlantic piece while swimming laps and doing backstroke.  My mind started wandering to what huge goals I "need" to complete by the end of 2012 to feel successful.  I created a list of 10 significant work goals, including finishing my book and qualifying for Triathlon Nationals 2013.  In my training mental zone, I wasn't paying attention to the swim flags to count my strokes to the wall.  CRACK.  My head hit the wall with a hard smack.  It was a wake up call!  As if the higher power was saying,  

"Look lady, take it as it comes and don't be overzealous this year.  There is time and it will all happen. One goal at a time does equate success.  Who do you need to prove anything to, but yourself. Remember, you met the goal of a normal school year for your kids, your business is successful, a column in Alameda Magazine has been signed on for the 2012-2013 year, website is being worked on, you placed in your first races back post surgery and your life is good.  It is in balance, even with some wavering of the teeter totter, don't be overzealous."

Jack and I had a discussion regarding this topic Wednesday night.   The element of balance and being a Mom. We covered how men don't have babies or have to put their lives on hold at various times to the same degree women do when having children.  While he can relate to the juggles, he can't understand how out of whack a female can feel and won't ever, since it's not in his DNA. There can be compassion, empathy, support.  But this is not the same as understanding how the juggling can cause guilt, frustration and tension of Mom/Work balance.  Fortunate for me, Jack supports my dreams and goals, as long as they can work symbiotically with our family.  Not rushing around, being frenetic, or having anxiety that things didn't get done at day's end.  His goal, which I am grateful without enough words for (as if that is possible), is to have a work/Mom/married balance allowing me to go to bed feeling each day's tasks got accomplished. 

If we feel good at day's end, our kids are healthy and nourished both emotionally and physically, as are we adults, than a balance is there.  Of course some days and weeks will be off, but that is when you reassess and climb back on the teeter - totter to break even.  Have a number one goal to go to bed at ease, without words.

Feeling without words now...Feels good.

Happy Father's Day

Happiest of Father's Days to all the incredible Dad's out there.  Earlier this month it was fun to surprise Dad and Jack with a toast to the two of them in my PFPDX Newsletter.  They are the epitome of great Dad's, and for that I am eternally grateful.  Take a read and wish your favorite Dad's a Happy Father's Day!
With love and much laughter-Erin

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.  ~Bill Cosby

As a Mom, I am constantly in awe with the ease some Dads have.  The difference in chromosomes creates a knowledge that "All will be good, relax and have fun in the moment with the kids! Let's go to the pool and do huge cannonballs even if there are 10 loads of laundry to be folded. They'll be there when we get back, don't worry, cannonballs await us."  Dad's can start a water fight at the drop of a hat, with the desire to create a fun moment with their kids so they can be kids. They end the day with tickles and pillow fights, knowing it means an additional 10 minutes of calming down kids for bed. Dads have a gift of laughter and ability to not stress about things that aren't truly important, but relish and celebrate the huge moments while truly being "in" them.  

Mermaid Tri with Dad & E

When growing up, my Dad, Bob, was my hero. He is over 6 feet tall and has a football players build.  Dad has always been silly and fun, with a nature that allowed everyone he met to be comfortable with him and know he was a good guy.  Dad cherished each little moment with us, from raking leaves to taking us to tennis tournaments.  Whatever we did, Dad always saw the bright side  and lived life fully embracing us.  In Summer, he would rush home from work to ride his brown Schwin ten speed to the pool with us.  At the pool, Dad let us chew bubble gum while swimming and would throw us to reach the flags.  He was as excited as we were when we were launched high in the sky, especially when landing and making a huge splash.  While Dad was fun, he also let us know we were loved and supported as we embarked on our academics and athletics.  While in college at Cal Poly, Dad would make an excuse when he had afternoon work meetings in Monterey, to drive the three hours to visit me for breakfast in San Luis Obispo.  In every race, Dad tried to be there and understand the sport logistics of swimming, running and triathlons. I am beyond grateful because I was raised by a man telling me daily that I could do anything I put my mind to, and I better find fun while doing it. 

Upon meeting Jack, I admired who he was in his inner core. While he is uber competitive, as those who do Date Night Boot Camp know, he is genuinely in love with sports and wants all participants to feel included. He gets along with

Jack, M & E at the Mermaid

everyone, finds the good in people and is an eternal optimist.  Jack is competitve, but also beyond supportive of each athlete doing and trying their best. He has taught me to step back and breath in all the fun that is happening; to ensure I remember the silly moments. With our daughters, Jack is genuinely present with them.  He strives to be part of their daily activities.  Athletically, he encourages them to work hard with their respective skills.  While I was doing rehab work with Makenzie, who has had different medical needs due to her hospitalizations, Jack was first to encourage her to try gymnastics again. Emerson has knocked Jack's socks off by her comptitive nature, but also her polite manners with those she plays against. Jack brings the girls spirits up through highlighting their respective strengths. He has always said that life and athletic boundaries are meant to be broken, and our daughters can, and will, break them.  That element of pride and confidence is an unending gift all should be so fortunate to open each day.

This past two weekends were the two races in Alameda catered to women. See Jane Run's Half Marathon, 5K and Kids Mile and the Mermaid Triathlon and Mini Mermaid 1.5 mile.  My Dad and Jack were at both events, and both supportive of not only me racing, but of Makenzie, Emerson and all other women and kids.  When Emerson, age 4, did the kids mile, she looked up at me running alongside her and said, "Mommy, I think Daddy will be excited I am faster than him!".  He was beaming upon seeing her run through the shute. He told her to wear her medal daily and be "super excited" for what she accomplished. Dad had to leave before Emerson's race so he called to ask how it was. While sharing the experience and how happy Emerson was, Dad said, "Erin, it must feel so good for you as her Mom, like when I watch you race. She's a runner like you. I know the joy."  When Makenzie did the 1.5 Mini Mermaid, both my Dad and Jack were there to support her. 

After she ran by, I looked at my Dad and had tears streaming down my cheeks.  He smiled and knew the joy, since he feels that watching not only my siblings and I, but also my kids. Especially Makenzie and all that she has gone through medically. Last year at this time she could barely do P.E. and now, she can run 1.5 miles comfortably.  Upon her finish, Jack raced by excited and beaming with pride.  He whispered to me, 'Erin, we have to get her a hat to celebrate today. She ran 1.5 miles now, she can do it!". For all of us, it was a true testiment in believing and knowing it will all be better than ok. That is a gift the two most important Dad's in my life have taught me. My husband, Jack, and my Dad, Bob, let me know that despite anything life will be good, all will be ok, and someone is always cheering for you.  

To all the Dad's out there, Happy Father's Day.  Know we are cheering for you daily, and forever grateful that you step back to have water fights while encouraging your kids to embrace the rich moments in life. 

Challenge the POWER of YOU!  

  

----Erin Kreitz Shirey

Owner & Lead Trainer of

Power Fitness PDX LLC

www.powerfitnesspdx.com

Life is good...Mud RUN good

You know what, life is GOOD!  Yep, I think when you work through heartache, balance, leaping from one heavy obstacle to the next, it is just bound to be GOOD!  I have often felt over the past years that the unfortunate hiccups make the heavy moments feel that much richer, even in their horrible elements.  Yes, seems odd to some probably.  I am writing right now as my girls are cuddled up in jammies, enjoying Saturday morning cartoons and ready to make the 3-day weekend last forever.

In March, when I entered the Children's Hospital writing contest, I put myself out there in many ways.  I wrote openly and honestly about how hard being married was when faced with challenges.  I talked about how the last year was the hardest one yet, which it was.  In essence it was because Jack and I had to face issues head on, without any protective lenses.  We spoke some harsh words and learned through communicating poorly, how we also knew at the base of it we are a great team and can communicate beautifully.  While daunting, it taught me a lot about my marriage and how strong our partnership is.  After posting the piece, I received emails from friends sharing heartfelt messages about feelings of now not "being alone", and "I thought my husband and I were the only ones who had challenges like this".  The honesty in my essay helped open communication among others, and within my own friend circle.  For that I am grateful.  How life continues to have great things come from challenging situations...not being a finalist in the contest after opening my soul was hard, but the element of open communication amongst friends supporting one another is a forever gift.

Before the mud and obstacles

Thus, it's all good right now.  Last Saturday, Jack and I did a MudRun, which seemed parallel in funny ways how good life feels"after running through a lot of mud".  Literally feels good to my core and inner being.  It was our 4th weekend in a row of doing an athletic event together; a foundation of who we are as a team.  When we rode Wildflower 65 mile bike ride on April 29th, we took off from my family and got to enjoy working together to pull each other up and down the hills.  It was Jack's first metric century, and I got to help him with some cycling skills while he encouraged me with my first metric century post double knee surgery.  We did the same on Saturday through the mud and obstacles.  We were both excited and motivated to have FUN, no race timing chip, just FUN.

Ready to rock the race

At the starting line, all of us were dancing with our friends, Chris and Linda. Makenzie and Emerson were ready to cheer us on while being the course "photographers".  They got to hang with our friend, Linda, who is cutely pregnant and wasn't about to bop her baby belly through the obstacle course.  The laughter started at the beginning, and continued throughout.  In the first 60 seconds of standing by the registration booth, we saw people dressed in Wonder Woman and Batgirl costumes to military men covered in mud...we knew we were in a for a memorable day.

To me, the dirty part of the mud didn't seem daunting, but invigorating for some reason. It made the event seem a bit more adventurous compared to regular runs and triathlons, which seemed exciting.  I wanted a lot of challenges to take on and overcome; bring on the ropes, muddy tires and sprints. We lined up for our 12:30 wave at the starting line and the music blasted all around. Some people looked stiff and nervous, while others looked intense like warriors on a mission.  The three of us looked like 30-somethings who didn't give a flying poo about their rhythm, but wanted to dance, race and laugh. Emerson, Makenzie and Linda watched and waved laughing at us and the girls were dancing too. The energy in the air was that of FUN. Everyone was to have FUN.

3.2.1.....START!  Jack, Chris and I ran through the race arch and were on our way. We embarked on a few hills right in the beginning. Sweeeeet. I love to climb hills and felt good. It was about 93 degrees and blistering sun which made it more of a challenge. Gradually, Chris fell into his own pace and Jack and I were running alongside each other.  He is such a solid runner and competitive athlete, I can't help but race better when alongside him. He maneuvers his body like a gazelle at times, hopping from foot to foot with a comfortable cadence. First obstacle approached; 3 7-8 foot walls to climb over.  Both of us jumped up and over confidently.  Running continued up and down some  hills. Next obstacle of muddy barrels.  Clump clump went the mud when it latched onto our running shoes.  We kept moving, at this point I was a bit ahead of Jack on another climb. My legs and knees felt strong and solid. Phew, 5 months post surgery and my body was doing what it's supposed to do. Another few obstacle walls we blasted over independently and then...one that was to high. Heck, I am 5'1", not the tallest girl by any means. Before I could even ask, Jack bent over and yelled, "Erin, just jump on my back. You got this." With a quick jump and leap, I was up and over the wall.  Jack's "back stool" repeated two more times until we were at the tires. Quick steps through each muddy tire; using agility work that came easy from teaching so many boot camp classes.

After the tires Jack looked at me with a smirk, "We're not muddy enough. Where is the MUD??  Erin, I think we're the first in our wave now too." Ah, the competitive boy is always there, and funnily enough I had already noticed the same thing.  We embarked on more groups of runners and passed them as we swished through the obstacles and on the trail. Up one hill we heard screaming and cheering. Two big walls, and I mean big.  The outline of some people standing at the bottom just staring up with feet paralyzed in the dirt.  As we approached, we saw their faces that had fearful expressions. I yelled to Jack, "Just do it! GO". The first wall had 2 inch pieces of wood ledges you could grab onto that were spaced about 4 feet apart. If you didn't grasp well, you'd fall down to the bottom, or on top of the person below you. There was a strong guy, about 25 years old and 6 feet tall, climbing next to me, For each wide stretch my legs took to reach the ledge, he glided up, but was nervous looking down to the ground. We teased each other and raced to the top. At the top, flipped around and climbed down the rope net ladder. At this point I heard Makenzie and Emerson yelling, "Go Mommy! Go, race Daddy, GO FAST Mooooom!".  It felt great to high five their little hands and continue on to the next part...a steep down hill to more up and down. I have to admit, the downhill scared me with my knees. I wanted to mentally feel "normal", but after double knee surgery this is my "new normal" and while I climbed down it was OK! Jack was in front looking back with a gleam in his eye and yelled, "How are they now? Feeling good? Should we push through the mud?". "Sure!" I cheered back.  I didn't realize what he really meant until I saw the mud pit in front of him.

We came upon a mud pit that looked like a pig's dream home. People were trying to edge around it and not get muddy....until Jack leaped in doing a dive roll.  Head to toe covered in mud.  It made everyone gasp and Jack grin.  I followed suit, not a dive roll, but blasted through.  Speedy and muddy up the hill laughing at Jack. Next mud pit, we both just crawled through and went all out.  There was one thing with running through splattering mud, but another with blasting through it on all fours. At this point, we were committed to the mud and getting down and dirty. Out of the second big pit, climbed up globbing along and determined to finish fast. More mud, another wall and mini climbs up we accomplished.  Next we heard the cheers looking up to see people watching down at the final obstacles. Barbed wire to crawl under through mud pits.  We plowed through as some others were tip-toeing around trying not to get dirty.  At this point I just smiled and laughed at them, "You're in a mud run. Get dirty! It will wash off later." Under the final wire, upright position found, ran to the finish line alongside Jack. It was INCREDIBLE! We had grins ear to ear and were on Cloud Nine.  Someone came up yelling at me, "It was so fun to watch you two not caring and having fun! Thank you!".  Ah, made my day since we just did what we wanted to and as Jack pointed out, came out in the end the first in our wave of 200+ runners. 

Want a hug Girls??

We ran to see the girls and Linda at the top of the hill by the obstacles.  The girls wouldn't hug us but made faces instead. I couldn't stop jumping and smiling....and spotted Chris climbing down the rope ladder.  He waved and asked where the mud was...before I knew what was happening I popped in to run the last third of the race with him too.  This time covered in mud, which got Chris eager to join our muddy selves.  Chris calls me his "Mini Motivator", which I tried to live up to while wiping mud from my mouth as I spoke". Chris and I ran through the obstacles, mud pits and up the hill at the end with him joining us in the full mud fun too.

At the end, the three of us were covered head to toe, in mud, and huge smiles. Linda, Makenzie and Emerson took pictures of us and the moment immediately etched in my mind as a favorite of all time. It could have been the camaraderie, the physical challenge, the support, competing outside the traditional running box, overcoming new races post surgery and the partnership with Jack.  We washed off the mud with huge water trucks that just sprayed us down. We were still a bit dirty with mud gobs in places they shouldn't be, but from the outside looked rinsed and ready to start again.

It is parallel to where we are in life.  The entire mud run was.  Jack and I are an incredible team, especially with the cheering on of our daughters. We have run through one mud pit after another, but always put a hand out to help one another get through it. Sometimes our entire bodies are covered in layers of mud, but we know it's an obstacle we'll get through.  We leap over puddles, run through them, sometimes fall down and climb over walls.  At the end, through companionship and teamwork, we get washed off and get to run a new race.  It may take a few washes to clean us off (my sports bra still has some dirt in it!), but we'll get there and be ready to leap and laugh.  Our life may be muddy, but our LIFE IS GOOD! 

Life is GOOD!! 

Joy!!!

Today is off to a great start and going to be incredible!!! YOU can make it incredible, even if it started with a coffee cup being spilled in your lap,  or your kid poo pooing the whole wheat waffles you surprised her with on a school morning after rushing in from teaching boot camp. Why?  Because the sun is shining, there was cereal in the cupboard as back up, and she was right.  The whole wheat waffles weren't as good as the buttermilk ones.   Blast some Guns N Roses and just dance or jump for joy! JUMP JUMP JUMP and you'll feel GOOD GOOD GOOD!
xoxox Muah ---Erin

P.S. Blogging again so watch out...many posts to come soon