23

Fall is the season in our house that holds deep significance.  Each leaf that falls from the tree is a meaning of life evolving, and how time passes.  With each Season comes brilliance, energy and hope for what it holds.  For me, September is a heartfelt time.  Interestingly enough, it resonates with other friends whom are close to us, and many school friends.  This past week on the playground, 12 different friends have asked how Makenzie's health is doing.  Trying to sound strong while being real, I share, "She is doing great and shows no symptoms of even having Type 1 Diabetes yet.  We take it as it comes and for now, she is a walking miracle. She rocks her 1/3 pancreas like it's nobody's business".

But honestly, I look at the Fall date of September 23rd as a marker. September 23rd, 2010, is when I rushed Makenzie to the hospital. It is a date that forever changed my entire families life. It's a date when my oldest daughter didn't recognize me at all.  It is when I looked at her big eyes, trying to stare into her soul, and thought her soul was being lifted away from me.

Flag catching, 9.20.2010

I had been in Portland for the Power MOB business conference from September 21-23rd. Honestly, it was an excuse to visit my heart city and be with some of my best girlfriends.  Rarely do I get away without the kids. While in Portland, Makenzie had fallen ill with stomach flu on September 22nd.  Keeping in constant touch with Jack and my Mom, they said to stay in Portland and enjoy myself.  As the day progressed, Jack shared she wasn't feeling better and after going to the pediatrician, they agreed she'd stay home the next day.  I asked my Mom if I should take an earlier flight. She said enjoy my morning and she'd be with Makenzie. The next morning, I attempted to "enjoy the time" while running the Leif Erickson trails with my dear friend, Sheri.  However, my gut wasn't feeling right.  It was heavy and I had an inkling something was off.  Upon calling Mom at the airport, she said Makenzie seemed dehydrated and that when I got home we should have her checked up again.  The less than two hour flight felt like ten hours.  Even with my Mom saying Makenzie just seemed dehydrated, my Mother instinct was on overload.  It was like I was being guided by airplane controllers waving their lights signaling, "All factors point towards your daughter being really sick. Be ready to run off the plane to take care of her".

My Dad picked me up from the airport, and as he pulled in front of my house I booked it inside to see Makenzie. My Mom looked at me and said, "Erin she isn't doing well and still can't keep things down. She just started the mouth bubbles after the last time we talked. I think she is sicker than stomach flu." Her eyes were as big as saucers, little face was foaming at the mouth, skin pale, body warm but extremities cold and she had no recognition of me.  Her mother. The woman who carried her for 9 months and nurtured her every day since birth. I held her and said nervously to my own Mom, "She isn't good Mom. She seems like it could be more than dehydration. I think we should go to Children's Hospital to give her fluids".  As my Dad drove the car, I said out loud with a focused tone I didn't know I possessed, "It has to be dehydration. I left 2 days ago with a dynamic 6 year old who was swimming alongside me, and now she seems so weak.  She must need to just keep her fluids down."  I had no idea how hard her strong little body had been working to fight off all the demons of broken down organs. Calling the pediatrician en route, I was rubbing Makenzie's hand hoping she'd recognize me. She didn't.

Hospital Life - 9.23.2010-12.16.2010

When we arrived at Children's Hospital Oakland, the nurses took Makenzie's vitals. While doing so, she shook like mad and had a seizure.  That seizure rushed us to the ER into a myriad of medical mayhem.  Makenzie was taken from my arms, laid on the table, and tubes started going in and out of her.  I maintained my calm, praying in my heart and mind to my God...Please let her be strong.  What is going on God, please let my Miracle be strong. Let her know we love her and let her please hear our voices.  I continued to talk to Makenzie as her eyes wandered through the faces above her, not knowing what was going on, but so out of her own body that she couldn't wince in pain.  My Dad had joined in the room than and stood behind me.  He rubbed my back with his big hands attempting to provide comfort, doing this while I rubbed Bug's legs simultaneously, hoping my touch could heal her body too.

Medical terms, questions, big words, talking above Makenzie's head, whispered conversations amongst the doctors, and a feeling of the unknown.  You could feel the room's nerves, since the medical team had no idea what was going on with Makenzie.  Every few minutes another pediatric specialist came in to do a test they could use to rule out the unknown.  When Jack arrived rushing in from work 30 minutes later, there was still no idea. The next hours felt like years.  Makenzie's body couldn't hold anything in.  It was breaking down. Each organ had decided to fail and not work together.  We are a TEAM, our little family unit, and her little team of a body decided to disagree with....each...organ.

Courage = Embracing Life's Challenges

Guilt began to rise within me.  What if she didn't recognize me again? What if she had gotten an infection to  her brain? What if I hadn't gone away and stayed home with the girls?  What if her body was breaking down and wouldn't come back? What if ....so many what ifs rose up and enveloped my mind. While doing so, my inner voice screamed, "Don't go there Erin. DO NOT allow those thoughts to enter your body".

Beautiful Miracle- 8.16.2012

The pain of watching your helpless child, and not being able to connect with them, is an experience I don't wish upon anyone.  To stand there, praying they can hear your voice to calm them, praying that if it is their last moments in the world they could feel your love cradling their body is a living nightmare.  It is a feeling that now, almost 2 years after it happened, I sometimes still experience.  It is a feeling that doesn't wash away with countless showers, or with therapy sessions. Only with time.  It is one that likes to present itself when you think of the date that forever changed your life.

But it is also a time when you learn miracles do exist! It is a date that I associate with strength and courage, because on that date, we found out on a deeper level what our daughter was made of. It is a date that allowed me to trust my inner Mom voice.  It is a date that cemented Jack's and my partnership as parents, knowing we would not let our daughters down when they needed us most.  It is a date that even with haunting me, reminds me how far Makenzie has come.  

While watching her playing tag on the playground yesterday, pink leggings tight on her round buns, I felt grateful.  Another Mom asked me how she was doing, I said with a smile, "Look at her. She is doing incredible and taking it each day as it comes.  She knows what happened in a more mature level now, but she also is aware of how strong she is and what she is capable of overcoming."   I believe, September 23rd reminds us all of that.


Visit the Believe in ME Foundation to help provide quality childcare for siblings of hospitalized kids.

Happy Father's Day

Happiest of Father's Days to all the incredible Dad's out there.  Earlier this month it was fun to surprise Dad and Jack with a toast to the two of them in my PFPDX Newsletter.  They are the epitome of great Dad's, and for that I am eternally grateful.  Take a read and wish your favorite Dad's a Happy Father's Day!
With love and much laughter-Erin

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.  ~Bill Cosby

As a Mom, I am constantly in awe with the ease some Dads have.  The difference in chromosomes creates a knowledge that "All will be good, relax and have fun in the moment with the kids! Let's go to the pool and do huge cannonballs even if there are 10 loads of laundry to be folded. They'll be there when we get back, don't worry, cannonballs await us."  Dad's can start a water fight at the drop of a hat, with the desire to create a fun moment with their kids so they can be kids. They end the day with tickles and pillow fights, knowing it means an additional 10 minutes of calming down kids for bed. Dads have a gift of laughter and ability to not stress about things that aren't truly important, but relish and celebrate the huge moments while truly being "in" them.  

Mermaid Tri with Dad & E

When growing up, my Dad, Bob, was my hero. He is over 6 feet tall and has a football players build.  Dad has always been silly and fun, with a nature that allowed everyone he met to be comfortable with him and know he was a good guy.  Dad cherished each little moment with us, from raking leaves to taking us to tennis tournaments.  Whatever we did, Dad always saw the bright side  and lived life fully embracing us.  In Summer, he would rush home from work to ride his brown Schwin ten speed to the pool with us.  At the pool, Dad let us chew bubble gum while swimming and would throw us to reach the flags.  He was as excited as we were when we were launched high in the sky, especially when landing and making a huge splash.  While Dad was fun, he also let us know we were loved and supported as we embarked on our academics and athletics.  While in college at Cal Poly, Dad would make an excuse when he had afternoon work meetings in Monterey, to drive the three hours to visit me for breakfast in San Luis Obispo.  In every race, Dad tried to be there and understand the sport logistics of swimming, running and triathlons. I am beyond grateful because I was raised by a man telling me daily that I could do anything I put my mind to, and I better find fun while doing it. 

Upon meeting Jack, I admired who he was in his inner core. While he is uber competitive, as those who do Date Night Boot Camp know, he is genuinely in love with sports and wants all participants to feel included. He gets along with

Jack, M & E at the Mermaid

everyone, finds the good in people and is an eternal optimist.  Jack is competitve, but also beyond supportive of each athlete doing and trying their best. He has taught me to step back and breath in all the fun that is happening; to ensure I remember the silly moments. With our daughters, Jack is genuinely present with them.  He strives to be part of their daily activities.  Athletically, he encourages them to work hard with their respective skills.  While I was doing rehab work with Makenzie, who has had different medical needs due to her hospitalizations, Jack was first to encourage her to try gymnastics again. Emerson has knocked Jack's socks off by her comptitive nature, but also her polite manners with those she plays against. Jack brings the girls spirits up through highlighting their respective strengths. He has always said that life and athletic boundaries are meant to be broken, and our daughters can, and will, break them.  That element of pride and confidence is an unending gift all should be so fortunate to open each day.

This past two weekends were the two races in Alameda catered to women. See Jane Run's Half Marathon, 5K and Kids Mile and the Mermaid Triathlon and Mini Mermaid 1.5 mile.  My Dad and Jack were at both events, and both supportive of not only me racing, but of Makenzie, Emerson and all other women and kids.  When Emerson, age 4, did the kids mile, she looked up at me running alongside her and said, "Mommy, I think Daddy will be excited I am faster than him!".  He was beaming upon seeing her run through the shute. He told her to wear her medal daily and be "super excited" for what she accomplished. Dad had to leave before Emerson's race so he called to ask how it was. While sharing the experience and how happy Emerson was, Dad said, "Erin, it must feel so good for you as her Mom, like when I watch you race. She's a runner like you. I know the joy."  When Makenzie did the 1.5 Mini Mermaid, both my Dad and Jack were there to support her. 

After she ran by, I looked at my Dad and had tears streaming down my cheeks.  He smiled and knew the joy, since he feels that watching not only my siblings and I, but also my kids. Especially Makenzie and all that she has gone through medically. Last year at this time she could barely do P.E. and now, she can run 1.5 miles comfortably.  Upon her finish, Jack raced by excited and beaming with pride.  He whispered to me, 'Erin, we have to get her a hat to celebrate today. She ran 1.5 miles now, she can do it!". For all of us, it was a true testiment in believing and knowing it will all be better than ok. That is a gift the two most important Dad's in my life have taught me. My husband, Jack, and my Dad, Bob, let me know that despite anything life will be good, all will be ok, and someone is always cheering for you.  

To all the Dad's out there, Happy Father's Day.  Know we are cheering for you daily, and forever grateful that you step back to have water fights while encouraging your kids to embrace the rich moments in life. 

Challenge the POWER of YOU!  

  

----Erin Kreitz Shirey

Owner & Lead Trainer of

Power Fitness PDX LLC

www.powerfitnesspdx.com

Porta Potty Pacific Grove

My number 824 - 9.10.11

The Olympic Distance  Triathlon at Pacific Grove on Saturday, September 10th, was my first Olympic Distance Triathlon since I was 23.  Yep, 12 years from the last time I did the distance of 1.5 K( .93 mile) swim, 40K (24.8 mile) bike and 10K (6.2 mile) run. To say I was nervous the week before was an understatement.  I always get butterflies before racing, but I had full blown nerves for the week leading to the race.  My bike decided to have issues 10 days before and the back tire fell off.  My wetsuit is sleeveless and a bit dated. What to do!?  ACCEPT- that's what! Accept what happens "happens" and have fun is all I could think.

The arch to the swim

I feel grateful as I "did" and got my equipment together the week before. I had the bike from Gene at Alameda Bicycles, borrowed a long sleeve new wetsuit from Meredith (my dear friend and training partner), and got some new, wider lens goggles at Sport's Basement on... Thursday! I got one swim in them to at least figure out if they worked well with my face and phew, they did.  The girls were set to hang with my parents before Jack got back from work so I could drive to Pacific Grove on Friday, and they were joining on Saturday to cheer me on.  I think the drive down by myself was one of the best things...I got to think. Or maybe it wasn't a good thing...ha ha I tease.  Truly though, I was thinking while driving about; transitions, the swim AKA The Kelp Crawl, biking on a new bike, and how the laps work with the run.  Visualization is key, especially if you are me. I need to visualize to focus and feel I can take on any event.  And the word that continued to pop through it accept.   

Accept the race for what it is. Have fun with the race. 

Accept that I can't control conditions, accept that a good attitude gets me(you) through anything. 

Accept that the training is done and what will be will be.  

Accept there will be someone faster and be someone slower, but push your limits ...and have fun.  

All the words I say to my kids are what I continued to repeat to myself, like any parent.  How often do you do that...repeat to yourself what you would easily say to your loved ones, but have to repeat it to yourself 3x as many to have the words "stick". I know I am not the only one, and yes being Type A does affect in wanting to do everything well, but I also feel it gives me a focus and discipline too. 

I got to Pacific Grove and checked in to the race. I forgot how gorgeous Pacific Grove is and how chilly it can be! The fog was starting to roll in, and the water looked very cold. But it also looked manageable for an open water swim. Oh yeah, I didn't mention I have never raced in an Olympic Distance ocean swim before. Nope, never, but I LOVE swimming and grew up a mermaid.  Even being a mermaid shifts when a is mermaid in cold, wave filled water, swimming with hundreds of others in the same direction, like salmon swimming upstream.  "Accept, Erin, Accept".  I LOVE swimming, especially in warm ocean water like Kauai, and will LOVE doing the swim in a wetsuit.  If you repeat it enough you do believe it, right? 

Thank you Alameda Bicycles!

After checking in, I got to visit with my Uncle Kevin and his girlfriend, Jeannie. They are both wonderful and incredible cyclists. I did the Death Ride with Kevin when I was 22 and have always loved talking races with him.  Jeannie is actually a retired Ironman Triathlete and quite the accomplished Tri-gal pre knee surgery.  We enjoyed dinner and got to talk the nerves out. Kevin and Jeannie shared the course logistics and also the "shark logistics". My darn Uncle decided to tease me about the sharks the night before a race...following up with "Don't worry, you're small meat for them anyway so you're not a good meal". Lovely visuals as I thought of myself looking like a seal in a wetsuit, swimming with a pack of triathletes, and a shark looking at me than turning away since I am not big enough. Once a fun uncle, always a fun uncle.  I slept on their couch and get this...it was some of the best sleep I have had in the past 7 years!  The past 9 months since we've been back from the hospital I have been up with kids a lot through the night and on Friday night, I got to say good night to them over the phone and konk out fast.  But wait, wake up was at 5:45 am.  Not to bad for this early riser, and I had already been up visualizing how I would race when the alarm went off. 

Incredible Uncle Kevin chillin' at 7 am

Kevin brought me down to the start, I racked my bike and got situated. Upon getting settled and body marked, I found out my wave didn't start until 9:15 am, so I had 3 hours until my race start.  Looking around at all the fancy bikes and equipment I repeated Meredith's comment in my head:
"Gear is only 10% of the triathlete. Physical condition and mental state is the other."  
Good and bad with all the bonus time- go figure- but 9:15 was my start time and I had to run with it.  The water looked cold, the fog was over the bay, and the nerves and excitement were flowing amongst everyone.  I got body marked, had to age up  (dude I am 35 not 36 yet!), jogged along the beach path, and chilled.  We sang the National Anthem, paid respect to 9.11.01, bang went the gun and I got to see the men start! After the men was the wave of veteran athletes who always humble me. I am blown away by their determination and focus.  After the 2nd wave, there was another wave every 15 minutes. While watching the men in the water, you can see the kelp looking to break up.  A channel between the kelp looked to form, or did it? I would soon find out. 

First wave started! 7:30am 9.10.11

I Body Glided and wetsuited up at 8:45 am, looked around for Jack and the girls but couldn't find them. I heard my uncle and Jeannie yelling my nickname,"Burfel".  Knowing they were there, even at the age of 35, was a reassurance that it was all good. I lined up right under the arch at 9:12 am, ready for my take off. 13 years ago I would have held back a bit, but not now. I feel more confident being up in front and taking on my space...but it wasn't quite my space. The kelp hit us quick, as did the 57 degree water.  Kick Kick, knee, fist, punch, slap, pull all popped through  my mind as the sounds of the swim.  I felt good but got a few gulps of salt water, ugh. I kicked harder to get some space and turning around the 1st buoy I got some. Then a gal about one foot taller than me started swimming alongside me to where she seemed to be fighting me for water space...in the ocean! Continued on, buoy two approached fast and swimming back to the beach there was a kelp channel. I developed a pattern of pulling the kelp behind me with each stroke. I tried to use the kelp as if I was pulling myself up a wall, or slithering for up down relays in the boot camp drills I teach.  Fellow 35-39 swimmers started to thin out, people were tiring a bit, but I kept going. My arms weren't tired yet and I felt good. Boom, at the beach, popped out to run around the marker for lap 2...at the same time of the next wave of swimmers! Dang, another big group to swim with but in Lap 2 I knew what to expect kelp wise and stayed to the left of the group.  I pulled forward and got to the first buoy.  I looked to my left to the girl kicking water in my face and gained speed on her.  We were side by side and I noticed she was in the same wave as me. I peaked out of the water and saw just a handful of light blue caps, my wave's caps. Yeah, it meant I was in the front of the pack and this girl knew it too. She decided to swim tight on my left, literally face to face each breath as we pulled forward through the kelp.  To say it was "fun" is not how I would describe that portion of the swim. There was my inner athlete who decided to kick hard to get out of the water before her... so I did. I blasted my legs, got to the sand and ran out...or attempted to. My toes were frozen! 

Running up the ramp was a rush. Kevin and Jeannie were in the front, cheered and snapped a photo as I was pulling at my wetsuit. Mental mantra, "Fast transitions Erin, fast transitions".  Slipped down my wetsuit, slapped on my shoes over incredibly numb toes and ran to the start of the bike. Whew, one leg down and two more to go. I was feeling good, invigorated, and like ME again! The rush was there! 

Pass, pass, pass on the bike. I started to fly by people.  The natural coach, trainer and cheerleader in me couldn't help but support everyone when passing to encourage them.  Tight turns on Lap 1, but 1 lap was done.  Onto Lap 2, already playing "cat & mouse" with a few cyclists, looking at their calves the entire time for their age.  Saw a few more in my age group the second lap and had my eye on a few in front.  Hmmm....I think I could be in a good spot but didn't know since the bike portion was 4 laps.  Lap 2, eeek, I felt my bladder and that I had to go pee.  I really had to go pee and kept peddling fast. I met a woman and rode with her for a bit named Joanne. We laughed about having to go pee and our kids that changed our bladders...in college I would pop the seal and keep going but I couldn't do it as easily now.  I tried but my mind was worried about the person behind me and feeling I'd have to offer him/her some disinfectant towels.  Triathletes do it all the time, I used to, but I couldn't really let go and "go".  Yes, triathletes pee on their bikes when riding.  If they are in it to win it, you gotta pee while on the bike or in the water.  Lap 3, still flying, feeling good, but gotta PEE! Break the seal a bit, can't do it, keep peddling.  Lap 4 slam through it with legs feeling strong and blast to transition. Put on my running shoes, waist belt and hat admiring the porta potties. The green oasis of comfort...but gotta run. I head out to start my run to Jack running along side me. Smiling from ear to ear seeing him and the girls, hearing them cheering I yell to Jack " Having so much fun but I gotta go pee!!!".  The runner in front of me started laughing out loud.  I think I can run through it, I am an athlete, I have raced the majority of my life now, but I also had 2 beautiful babies who shifted some things. I do try to defy the odds but some things Mother Nature decides. 

Jack caught me starting my run leg...

3 laps to run.  3 looooong laps if I don't stop at a porta potty. Yes there were the tri-monkey's on my legs, yes my glutes were tight, yes my toes were still frozen from the swim, but I couldn't feel any of that since I was focusing on finding a porta potty. I start passing people and a beacon of green is in front of me, I check it- locked! Seriously, who is playing a joke on me.  I continue running, passing some people who were most likely on their 2nd or 3rd laps.  I decided I had to stop at the next Porta Potty and just pee fast. It would only be a few seconds, I can go fast and then I would be able to run faster  Yeah, I found it at the turn around and 24 seconds later was back on the run but this time feeling much lighter. I can't tell you how great I felt now, I took everything in.  The sun was shining, the Pacific ocean looked incredible, the energy powerful and I felt strong. I finished lap 1, saw the girls, Jack, Kevin and Jeannie to all of them cheering. Heart was happy and filled, Jack gave me the solid "Erin, you got this", and I could feel my athlete self pulling through. My time looked like my last PR could be broken. "OK Erin", I think, 's "try to pull 7:10's and you can average out the first two slow porta potty miles."  Lap 3 came, I picked it up, knew what to expect and kept passing people. It felt good, I felt good, the race felt good.  The last two corners were in sight and my legs started getting my last bit of energy surging through them.  

I kicked it up, what I have been known for, am still smiling ear to ear and push it.  The shute is in front of me and I ran through it looking at my watch with big eyes. The announcer says my name as I crossed the finish line and I was full of excitement! My family rushed up and the hugs were incredible. Emerson was screaming "Mommy you did it. You won!" not knowing that I didn't win the entire race, but knowing I won to her was great fun.  I haven't felt this good about an athletic event for a while, even at See Jane Run when placing 1st or 2nd in the 5k the past two years or doing the 2 sprint triathlons. I was "back".  My Erin, Tri-Girl, self was back in action. I beat my PR from age 23, when I was a National Qualifier, by 8.5 minutes!! My time by the clock was 2:43:55.

Incredible Jack- best better half!

We chilled out and the girls were beyond cute. Makenzie said she wants to do a triathlon with me, Emerson said she wants to run fast, and Jack said he was so proud.  It felt sureal since Jack never knew me when I raced at Cal Poly and he got to see a different side again of me with racing Olympic Distances. Jeannie and Kevin were beyond great and excited to be there. To have that moment of finishing feeling so good was something I want to hold onto. I never felt I could have pushed faster, I just wished I didn't have to go pee but accepted that my body was my body.  A body I have trained hard through teaching a lot over Summer and has the ability to push faster now than when I was in college.  My racing was more efficient and not only that, the entire race was so much fun and enjoyable! 

Future Triathletes & the best cheerleaders

As we were about to pick everything up from my station, we checked results.  I placed 3rd in my age group!  It didn't have my splits but I placed third and the awards were at 3 pm. Rock on- my mantra is "If I don't place I didn't race", but I was nervous about that phrase this race. I was worried that maybe being on a new bike, using the unknown wetsuit, having had August be a decent training month but one full of travel and great food and wine, could have shifted my racing.  Makenzie was beyond excited too, telling the women next to her "My Mom just came in 3rd at 35!". I felt lucky and so proud. 

Back at Kevin's everyone was sharing how great the race was, the girls all excited to race in their futures.  Jeannie, Kevin and Jack said they want to do a relay team next year and race against me time vs. time. The time with Kevin and Jeannie was special too, rarely do I get time just with my uncle or solely my family with my uncle. Often we are all in big gatherings of our big family and this was memorable time together.  

Emerson excited with my 2nd place finish

The four of us Shireys' headed back to the awards at Lover's Point. Girls and I played in the sand and then all of us glued to the awards.  The elite athletes fab to watch! Future Olympians in front of us. Aged 22-39. These athletes inspire me living a great tri-life and having fun.  A few of the women are in their late 30's and have little ones.  To say I was inspired is an understatement...the same as my girls.  Then it came to the age group awards. Makenzie couldn't wait, she wanted to walk up with me. I wish I had her come, but had never done a podium award for a tri in a bigger tri before. Small tri's sure, but not a Tri California event, and didn't know if it was appropriate. 3rd place name said, not me. Hmmm, I thought. Maybe there was a mix up and I didn't place...and it was I placed 2nd place in my age group and was the 12th female overall in the whole Triathlon.  Then the 1st place winner was announced... with a time just 15 seconds faster than mine.  Darn porta potty, but so worth those 15 seconds! I was waiting for the other women to join the podium, but I was the only one there. I was standing by myself on the block for the 35-39 awards and looked at my kids and Jack.  The real athletes who inspired me to do longer tri's again are Makenzie and Emerson...at that moment I fully wished I had them come up with me. Smiled for the photographer, teased by the announcer and pro-triathlete Julie Moss that I was so clean with fancy hair (Normally ponytail clad me laughed since Jeannie told me to blowdry it post shower since I was still so cold still from the darn ocean), and ran back to my family.  Makenzie asked for the award and I put it around her neck...I think she was as excited as I was.

Future Triathletes- Incredible Daughters-Loves of my life

After the awards we celebrated. We had a great time and I accepted that with any race what will be will be.  I look forward to the next race with more time on what will be my "bike" and having more sleep the weeks before. I am ready to train even harder and get back on a Tri-Team again.  Training has to be respected, but also respecting your body and where it is in life is powerful. Believing in yourself and what you can do physically is beyond powerful.  Carry that power with you for everything you do.  Look at what your body is capable of, challenge it, and believe in it.  Back to the word accept. Accept that anything is possible when you put yourself out there to believe....

** Link to finish on youtube

Day 4 of Aloha Challenge

I have decided to do a fun Challenge this month. Why - just because I want to feel the ease of Hawaii, yet the inner physical and mental challenges I know I can accomplish.  I wrote a blog about it on one of my business websites PowerofyouFitness.blogspot.com 

So far, I have been doing good!  It is interesting because when running on Friday I was a bit anxious, but also not letting the stress truly bother me like I have in similar situations months before.  I was training earlier on my road bike in a great zone and pace... and my back tire fell off.  Grrr...I checked the chain rings, the gears and the bike trailer attachment. Then a nice guy, John, rode up on his electric bike. He looked straight out of Portlandia- boombox attached to his bike playing some Grateful Dead, long gray beard, and uber chill voice.  He got down to help me, was generously kind and as I rode off with a working bike again he yelled, "Keep the biking real Erin!".  We bonded and I wouldn't have met him if my bike didn't breakdown.  I rode my bike to Lucy where I teach a 12:15 boot camp, switched training gears and got a 5 mile run in before I taught class. As I attempted to push my legs I couldn't. "Come on now Erin, you can go faster" I repeated to myself.  A bit of anxiousness started a bit wanting to make sure I got a quality run in.  Then I decided to just roll with where my body wants to be right now.  And I did and gradually loosened up to push it on my returning 2 miles.

While I was running thought, "What do I do?! I have Pacific Grove Tri on September 10th and need a working bike".  Hmmm.....joys of wonderful Alameda Businesses I called Gene of Alameda Bicycles when I got back. Played phone tag and he ended up leaving a message that I could rent his wife's bike for a few weeks and could pick it up over the weekend! Sweet- this can work out and I can still race!  On Sunday I picked up the bike, it fits great and is a smooth ride....no stress, nice components and I am ready to push it on the bike.  Plus I get to see what I really want to get on my new bike that I am ordering next month by riding vs. just looking through in the catalog. So cool!

Anxiousness and being able to step back and just "breath" is part of my Challenge.  I realized that a reason for this is my own focus on taking advantage of every minute of time.  We lost a lot of "time" last Fall with Makenzie and Emerson. Time for them to feel "normal" (whatever that is!), time together as a family, time for me as a business person and athlete, and time to just be stress free.  While I know we can never make up that time, some days I feel if I haven't gotten 1:1 quality time with my daughters and Jack, all of my to-do's done and tackled all my goals, I haven't used my time well. Is that right to feel that pressure- nope! Is that fair- not really to myself.  But when I realized the significance it made sense.  Being aware of when time flies and things don't get done, it doesn't mean the time is wasted and that's ok. If it is a task that can be done tomorrow, the day isn't ruined or a bust.  Be realistic with goals and checking things off. 

When doing this Challenge, it is for me to make me feel good about how I use my own time, not as if I am lacking focus. Does that make sense? I feel like I am pretty good about using time and aware of living in the moment yet I also have high expectations for myself.  I am sure you have felt that at times too, and maybe it's more relevant to us since we've experienced moments when time has stood still and you are scared for it to move forward. Who knows! But I know that the Aloha feeling, the feeling of chillaxin' like the Grateful Dead when my bike broke down, combined with the feeling of physically pushing my athletic limits is what makes me feel good.

Bike that made me smile...San Francisco is "under" the shifter ;)

Right now, Jack has the girls on an adventure at the Zoo, I finished some work goals for the day and now am about to ride on (thanks to Gene).  I am using time in the best way and relishing the bumps along the road...literally and emotionally.

Cuddling Monkey

Emerson is my sweet cuddly Monkey.  She holds on so tight when going to bed and makes you feel beyond special.  Each night Emerson wants to read 3 books and will not fall asleep unless someone, most often me, is laying beside her cuddling tight. She puts both arms around my neck, pulls my head to her chest and breaths in about 10 breaths. By that point, she is in dreamland.

Sometimes it can be hard at night when thinking of what I have to get done to prep for the next morning timewise, but the nights I don't lay with E I end up regretting it.  We have said over time we will get her sleeping on her own again, but we haven't done it yet.  Maybe it is guilt from missing so many nights last Fall with E at home when Bug was at UCSF? Or maybe it is Jack and I know time is passing so fast and we don't want to lose any of these moments being "requested to snuggle" by our kids? 

Whatever it is, I know I cherish the words and sweet touches shared between us. I love feeling her little hands pull me tight for a hug; knowing that the hug is what calms her and brings her a nightly bit of peace for sweet dreams.  The snuggles are not only a means for her to feel secure, loved and safe...but for me too.

Emerson Talking loves
* I decided to record E's voice last night to have these sweet memories forever

Pretty Cool....

Last week I found out I was voted  2011 Most Motivational Personal Trainer by Alameda Magazine.  It may seem small on some accounts in a city of about 80,000, but it has made me proud and blissed in so many ways.  Take a read at the "Thank You" I wrote to the Power Fitness PDX peeps.  It really does mean a lot, and thank you for the love.  I know this blog is about embracing my life's challenges, and starting over, having a hospitalized child, and re-building my life in the Bay Area have been some of them...tiny little events that have evolved and made me stronger.  With love-Erin 

Thank you Thank you Thank you!  

You voted, the city voted and guess what....I was just named the  

2011 Most Motivational Personal Trainer by Alameda Magazine!   

To say it is an honor is an understatement.  To say that it had me smiling and filled with pride, joy and gratefulness is an understatement as well.  Many reasons but a significantly huge one is I should award all of YOU Most Motivational Clients/Friends/Business Owners/Family.  I am motivated by YOU every day to not only try hard to do the best with my fitness business and as a Personal Trainer, but to challenge my own self to go beyond my comfort zone and live the best life possible.  YOU motivate me to be as healthy, active, educated, joyful, present and live in the moment daily.  Thank you so very much for being the stars of motivation in many aspects that shape me to do what I do.   

The reasons I feel so appreciative for this honor and recognition are:

1. We moved back to Alameda, the city I was born and raised in, New Years 2010.  It was a big move that was fast and during a zany time of year, the holidays.  After having lived and loved Portland, Oregon, for 6 years, after the economy shifted and a big job layoff, we realized it was time for our family to be back by family and lifelong friends.  We were nervous and sad about leaving Portland, our girls only "known" home.  But we felt the New Year was a great time to start a new adventure and to go for it.  One of the reasons I was nervous stemmed from owning my own, relationship based business.  Starting over meant starting with all new clients, laying out my credibility, creating a new environment and building a new network as a business owner in a city that knew me as kid on my bicycle. Fresh start = Fresh NEW adventure and challenges. 

CHEERS TO YOU MOTIVATING EVERYONE TO JUMP FOR JOY

 2. YOU, without realizing it, helped me be my child's BEST advocate when she was in the hospital September-December 2010.  I fell to my knees daily when Makenzie  couldn't see and made a point to get up and be strong for her without question.  When I was able to teach Power Fitness PDX in the mornings, I would, and returned to the hospital regenerated and inspired to keep putting one foot in front of the other on her endless and exhausting marathon of a race back to health.  YOU supported my family with love, kindness, meals, day-to-day support, and words that meant more to us than we can ever share with you.  When I wasn't able to support you 110% like I strive to, YOU shared with me to use that energy for Makenzie and Emerson. To support her without question and YOU would train and workout together the days I couldn't come to teach. The days turned to weeks and yet YOU continued on.  That motivation you had to train as a TEAM supporting each other as YOU supported my family will forever be a gift.  Together. Empower.Achieve.Motivate. Thank YOU.  

3. I have the gift of seeing you in action, working hard, in the mornings and afternoons daily. I get to laugh with you when training to lose the chicken legs in your front yard, while saying "Good Morning" to each passing neighbor. Or training in class at Power Fitness PDX with goals ranging from learning to not just wear workout pants because of the elastic waist effect, to doing a proper push up and increase speed and intensity with running. And I get to watch you leave your desk for an hour at work to challenge yourselves to get strong and lean doing burpees and caterpillars in the Alameda Business Park courtyard... while losing the Lucy 10.  I am the lucky one who witnesses the sweat induced hard work...but all of your friends and family are paying attention!  You are motivating THEM to be healthier, more active, try new sports, enjoy a PFPDX date night boot camp, put on their running shoes to race, do push ups during TV commercials, go for an evening bike ride as a family, walk the stairs instead of ride the elevator, and grow a vegetable garden together instead of growing bigger bellies together! YOU motivate all around you by living, eating, sleeping and LIVING the day to day lifestyle of being ACTIVE and HEALTHY!!!  Congrats to YOU!    

Cheers to an award that means the world.  And Cheers to YOU for making me  more inspired, motivated, determined and energized to live up to the title and continue to be the Most Motivational Personal Trainer of 2011!  

  

Remember to always .... Challenge the POWER of YOU! 

  

----Erin Kreitz Shirey

Owner & Lead Trainer of

Power Fitness PDX LLC 

Voted Alameda Magazine  

2011 Most Motivational Personal Trainer 

 

Happiness

This past week, my Mom, Jack and dear friend, Pilar, all asked me if I was truly happy.  I had talked about moving to new places, shared nerves about the girls and Makenzie's medical conditions, stress about time management, and didn't feel like "me".  Normally, I am a positive optimist by nature. I see the glass half full, feel invigorated by laughter and twinkling eyes, have no shame in dancing like a fool and enjoy time doing a bazillion things and nothing at all. But, I really wasn't feeling like me.

A big part... my left ankle has been injured. While I know I have to get knee surgery in the late Fall, after racing the See Jane Run 5K, I was set to come in first and got a cramp at mile 1.7 and overcompensated with my left calf.  I pushed to come in 2nd, but later in the day felt a bit of pain.  First it was shin splints, then it shifted to severe pain shooting up and down my leg.  I am not one to stop and hold back, especially when my job is to inspire and motivate my clients to keep moving daily.  It is not in my nature to step back, and I've had to.  I took one week off. Then I ran 7 miles in Carmel on my brother's wedding day, and it got worse.  So I took another two weeks off.  While spinning and swimming rock, they don't replace the runner's high  for me.  They don't give me the depleted feeling that I have at the end of an intense run...and I crave that feeling at least a few times each week to thrive! So without running, holding back with teaching by not doing as many plyometrics, and attempting to keep my Erin Spirit up, I guess it had dwindled more than I realized.

And yesterday, I had an epiphany as I was writing.  While therapeutic and scary I realized a few things:

Love how this captures all of us thinking "Oh E, you are our Ramona!"

1. I have been beyond scared that something will happen to Makenzie and/or Emerson again, but want to keep Bug and Monkey feeling as normal as possible. I don't want Makenzie to feel she can't do things, but am beyond scared that if she does something and gets hurt again, we are in severe trouble that I can't control.

2. With the determination to keep life fun for my girls, I have put my own personal needs off. I haven't spent time with my friends because the only time away from my girls I spend training/teaching PFPDX or training myself.  I am scared that if I go away something can happen to Makenzie.  The first time I went away without my kids for myself to play, to Portland for 2 days, Makenzie got horribly sick and I rushed her to Children's Hospital upon getting home. She didn't recognize me resulting from the severe dehydration and multi organ failure, and I am fearful something could happen if I were to go away again.

3. I need to focus on my own Triathlon racing again, which is what makes me feel like me ME and haven't been able to because of injury.  That is tough for me mentally because I am feeling an age thing coming on. As if I don't do some things in the next few years I will lose my "younger window".  I need to focus on myself and what makes me happy, realizing that age is just a number.

4. I have a feeling of missing my own independence.  With moving back to the Bay Area, I realized I think of it as a feeling of failure that we didn't make it away on our own. It is not true- we didn't live in the Bay Area for about 7 years.  But with moving back I miss the sense of independence of living on our own, and having our own city to identify with.  I miss my core group of friends who I saw every day and talked on the phone with all the time.  I miss having "my" people to go running with all the time; having them close by to go to Kennedy School with. I miss the bonds my children had with kids they knew since they could first remember.  Here my closest lifelong friends are 30-45 minutes away and I don't see them how I want to regularly. I have lovely friends in Alameda, but it will take time to nurture and grow those friendships. I am determined to do so beyond measure.

5. I thrive on owning my own business and helping other women(and their daughters) with their self esteem through athletics.  I love presenting at workshops, doing the tv fitness segments, writing fitness articles, and being involved on all aspects of media in fitness.  The nerves from realizations 1 & 2 have held me back a bit on moving and progressing forward again with pursuing media-fitness pieces again.  

So NOW- I am making changes. I am finding new goals, have outreached to some of my newer girlfriends, and will set some dates to see my lifelong friends in the next weeks.  While being a naturally social person, I don't socialize as much as people think I do.  I am running around with the kids all the time and tend to forget to pay attention to me. I worry if I don't focus just on them, if I lose them, I won't remember everything.  That is what scares me so much.  I can't just take off and leave them with sitters to see friends because I get scared.  I was gone, and never am, when Makenzie got sick and she didn't recognize me when I saw her.  That has stayed with me on deep levels which I hadn't realized until recently.  I worry if anything happens again it will always be with me, but after identifying these feelings maybe I can work on it more.  I even feel guilty at nighttime, when I am tired of whining and washing dishes to "escape for a few minutes", and Jack is reading stories to them. I feel I should be right there cuddling before bed.  I feel that having almost lost them both I need to cherish each moment we have together on another level. Which I do, but I want to embrace and cherish the moments more deeply.

This is where it gets interesting.  I know life is not easy for everyone. I know we have it easier than most. We have a roof over our heads, have loving family and friends, have our bodies and have been given the gift of seconds chances.  I would love to feel in my innermost core more peaceful all the time; that is what I am striving for. It's why I take longer to go to and from places; riding my bike to pick up Emerson, stopping at places along the way home, unexpected trips to random parks or to the beach to play in the sand and read books. It is how come I try to add extra time to doing errands so the girls can explore and I can take time to answer the endless question of "why".  I truly want that peaceful and content feeling to be with me daily, and for my kids to embrace and feel those elements of peacefulness too. I want to feel content and good about me, my family and my life I am living.  Often I do. BUT, often I also feel I should be doing more than I am and be appreciating on a deeper level all that life has allowed me to experience.  Have you ever experienced that too?  


I began a Happy List Sunday morning when running.   I am adding to it daily, and making sure to embrace all the happies I see.  I will add to the happies on this blog, and encourage you to create your own happy list. Even doing it makes you smile and feel a bit happier. 

As I was finishing up my Happy List I decided to pop into Books Inc. and meander around. Guess what I found....a book called The Happiness Project.  No joke- I was holding some fun beach reads, looked down and my jaw dropped.  I couldn't believe my eyes and called Jack right away to share the "sign" of what I would be doing next.  Supportive and incredible as he is, Jack said to get the book and tell him all about it.  I am only on page 25, but have already enjoyed the notion of focusing on different elements each month.  Similar to how I do an annual Fitness Challenge from February-May for my clients- to help them focus on their health, fitness, and wellness. This will be a year of focusing on different elements of making those aspects of my life happier, embracing each moment to "be" in the moment, and enjoying everyone around me for their various strengths, personalities, quirks and love that I cherish.

My own Happiness Project will highlight each month with a new goal.  And to start- July is Foundations.  I am going to truly start my own year's project in August, and July will outline how I can embrace the foundations for my own unique happiest state. Do you want to join me?  How are you truly Happy each day?  Are you relishing each moment to it's fullest potential, or do you feel it's to much to contemplate? Just curious.  


One of my own happies is swimming with my girls, so I will hop off and do just that.  What I gratefully enjoy, and keep doing that again and again...

Happiness list -  June 26- 2011
Loving and feeling proud of myself- stems to feeling good about all else
holding hands with Jack when walking down the street
Emerson laughter
Makenzie's eye twinkle and nose freckles
Being free to just play with the girls
Swimming in the pool and underwater tea parties
Eating outside
Riding with girls singing on their bikes
The beach and sand in toes
Achieving an athletic goal
Feeling organized
Makenzie reading to Emerson
Jack playing soccer
Watching Jack and E play soccer
Bare feet
Sunshine filled day and run
Hearing my best friend's voices on the phone
Sweat inducing depleting workout
Sunflowers
No clutter
Feeling on top of finances

Robbie remembering to say "secret code" and both of us laughing
Writing cards and actually getting them in the mail
Cuddling with the girls
Lean abs
Wearing sundresses

being lame doing the running man and how people respond with laughter
Writing inspiring articles
Helping women feel confident
Cousins
No drinking in the week= better morning workouts and teaching
Read books every day
Clean house
Running trails
Running with jack
Racing well and confidently

Tyler being smart assy and "on" and making me laugh so I fall over
Laughing so my body aches
Making my meals
Farmers market and eating strawberries while wandering through
Being updated

My old bike ride date nights with Grandma Betty hearing stories
Traveling
Overnight adventures
Hiking
Wine tasting with friends
Hawaii
Kissing for hours
Dare nights with good conversations
watching dad and mom with the girls
Working out with Tyler
talking to Grammer

Receiving cards in the mail

Painting for hours in sunshine

Reading a book in a hammock

Hearing client success stories

Helping Clients "break through" their challenges and go farther than they thought

Seeing Makenzie ride her bike on two wheels for the first time

Seeing Emerson sing and dance all the time- just in her own world

Bo's smart ass comments

Watching my girls with my best friends kids adoring each other

Huevos Rancheros

Fresh cut flowers

Manicured nails lasting more than one day