Third Times the Charm

Where PFPDX,POF,BBC began

I just returned from our third annual trip to the Pacific Northwest. We moved to Alameda 2.5 years ago and since we moved I have driven to Portland and Seattle to visit the week before Hood to Coast.  Jack flies up to join us mid trip. This year was special in that we all feel settled in Alameda. We love and miss Portland tremendously, and it will always have a big part of our hearts and history, but we've grown so much as a family and in creating our home where ever we "are". Cliche, I know, but it's true.

Emerson exploring the Rose Garden

Let's be real honest here...I was very resentful when we moved back to Alameda.  Portland was "our" city. It was a place that Jack and I decided to take leaps and bounds to create a new adventure in.  While living in Playa Del Rey (a small LA Beach City) when Makenzie was 3 months old we flipped a coin between Portland and New Orleans, and Portland won out.  At the time, I remember thinking Portland is a place people settle in and New Orleans was the city with the real "adventure". How wrong I was, but how unknowingly right too. The city was an open book for us, with stories yet to be created and written. We wrote big stories each year, experiencing and creating new adventures each week.  We made friends, got networked in and created our families roots in the city of green tree huggers.  Through our time, the friendships expanded to more of "family" and solidified which evolved to seeing a friend in each neighborhood of the city.  While yes it was rainy in the Winter (Spring and Summer too) it felt good.  Portland just felt, and always will feel, good to my soul.

Rose Garden Beauty Bug

We were all saddened upon leaving, honestly heartbroken to leave Portland but now, 2.5 years later, we visited with new traditions and roots in Alameda.  When we moved to Alameda, much of my resentment came from growing up in Alameda and feeling that coming home meant I had failed.  It meant I didn't have the ability to get off the "island" and live as the adventurous spirit I feel and define myself as having.  A silly thought and one that's been proven untrue, but we often hold onto notions from our childhood that keep us from being at peace with where we are.  For me it was coming "home" by default (job loss) verses choice.  Yes we made a choice to move to Alameda over other places in the Bay Area.  I had a lovely childhood growing up here, and Jack was always fond of it when visiting my family throughout the years.  Even with appreciating it's charm and being by family, the movie Hope Floats when Birdie moves from Chicago back to the small Southern town she grew up in would play in my mind...every time I ran into an old teacher in the grocery store, my orthodontist while swimming laps, or kids I babysat for who now are taller and look down to say "Hello" to me.  At first I wasn't allowing myself to truly see Alameda for the wonderful city it is, and charm it has.  In the beginning I didn't realize the incredible opportunity my own family had in living close by family while creating fun adventures of our own in the Bay Area.

Some of our favorite "gifts" from Portland!  xoxox to Sheri, Missy, Melica, Rumi, Jen & all the kidlets

Thankfully, those notions evolved and were thrown out the window.   Now, over two years later, it feels good.  This visit to Portland we had comfort, love, laughter, fun, and did a lot...but stepped back to relish being with our friends and doing nothing but laughing in their backyards.  One afternoon we even had a Shirey family afternoon of fun.  After having an afternoon playdate and picnic in our favorite park, the Castle Park, with many dear friends we took Emerson to the Rose Garden.  The girls, along with their friend Lydia, did performances on the stage.  Emerson then ran through the Rose Garden with me to smell every rose, and all of us took in people watching by one of our favorite fountains.  This time, the girls decided to dance, splash and attempt to pocket some change from it which entertained many tourists walking by.  We shared that it would ruin people's wishes, so they had to keep it put or the wish fairies would see...oy vey. We left the Rose Garden and went to our first home, neighborhood and park in NW Portland.  At Wallace Park on NW 25th the Swift Chimney stood tall in a bright blue sky.  Wandering through the "secret" paths, listening to Makenzie share with Emerson what their "favorites" were reminded me that each trip to Portland for Emerson is creating new memories of what the city was to her. Since she was shy of 2 when we moved, she doesn't remember every ounce of Portland as home. Everyone's shared stories of Portland life become her stories of the life she experienced.

Another St. Honore pastry please!

All four of us were swinging high just taking in the afternoon.  Makenzie pointed out a castle house in the NW hills, which made my tummy lump since it was her favorite house to walk by as a toddler and she didn't remember that.  While all of us were swinging in Wallace Park, Jack and I looked at each other and both said, "This feels good.  We could easily moved back sometime, which feels good deep in our core. Especially since our life in Alameda is great too."  We were embracing the happiness roaming through the four of us.  The afternoon continued for the four of us enjoying St. Honore, DragonFly and other favorites.  We drove by our old house in NE Portland and the rose bush we planted was still blooming.  Our hearts felt content, while all of us shared funny stories of our life before.

Time flies and we all evolve and move on, but expect some things to forever be the same.  We visit places we used to live and hold them close to our heart, or sometimes try to leave them far away in the past.  Regardless, the time spent remembering is always sweet to visit, to feel the love of a heart city again.  Portland is our "heart city". It has a big place in our heart, and holds some of our most cherished friends. But this visit to our heart city allowed us to embrace what we love about it while spending time with our forever friends.  We could do this on a deeper level since we feel grateful to now call Alameda our home.  The feeling is good. It feels good to leave Portland after the 3rd Summer visit knowing that each visit back to our heart city allows for new memories to be made and  friendships deepened before we drive back to our home...wherever it may be.

Portland, Oregon - forever our Heart City

Life is good...Mud RUN good

You know what, life is GOOD!  Yep, I think when you work through heartache, balance, leaping from one heavy obstacle to the next, it is just bound to be GOOD!  I have often felt over the past years that the unfortunate hiccups make the heavy moments feel that much richer, even in their horrible elements.  Yes, seems odd to some probably.  I am writing right now as my girls are cuddled up in jammies, enjoying Saturday morning cartoons and ready to make the 3-day weekend last forever.

In March, when I entered the Children's Hospital writing contest, I put myself out there in many ways.  I wrote openly and honestly about how hard being married was when faced with challenges.  I talked about how the last year was the hardest one yet, which it was.  In essence it was because Jack and I had to face issues head on, without any protective lenses.  We spoke some harsh words and learned through communicating poorly, how we also knew at the base of it we are a great team and can communicate beautifully.  While daunting, it taught me a lot about my marriage and how strong our partnership is.  After posting the piece, I received emails from friends sharing heartfelt messages about feelings of now not "being alone", and "I thought my husband and I were the only ones who had challenges like this".  The honesty in my essay helped open communication among others, and within my own friend circle.  For that I am grateful.  How life continues to have great things come from challenging situations...not being a finalist in the contest after opening my soul was hard, but the element of open communication amongst friends supporting one another is a forever gift.

Before the mud and obstacles

Thus, it's all good right now.  Last Saturday, Jack and I did a MudRun, which seemed parallel in funny ways how good life feels"after running through a lot of mud".  Literally feels good to my core and inner being.  It was our 4th weekend in a row of doing an athletic event together; a foundation of who we are as a team.  When we rode Wildflower 65 mile bike ride on April 29th, we took off from my family and got to enjoy working together to pull each other up and down the hills.  It was Jack's first metric century, and I got to help him with some cycling skills while he encouraged me with my first metric century post double knee surgery.  We did the same on Saturday through the mud and obstacles.  We were both excited and motivated to have FUN, no race timing chip, just FUN.

Ready to rock the race

At the starting line, all of us were dancing with our friends, Chris and Linda. Makenzie and Emerson were ready to cheer us on while being the course "photographers".  They got to hang with our friend, Linda, who is cutely pregnant and wasn't about to bop her baby belly through the obstacle course.  The laughter started at the beginning, and continued throughout.  In the first 60 seconds of standing by the registration booth, we saw people dressed in Wonder Woman and Batgirl costumes to military men covered in mud...we knew we were in a for a memorable day.

To me, the dirty part of the mud didn't seem daunting, but invigorating for some reason. It made the event seem a bit more adventurous compared to regular runs and triathlons, which seemed exciting.  I wanted a lot of challenges to take on and overcome; bring on the ropes, muddy tires and sprints. We lined up for our 12:30 wave at the starting line and the music blasted all around. Some people looked stiff and nervous, while others looked intense like warriors on a mission.  The three of us looked like 30-somethings who didn't give a flying poo about their rhythm, but wanted to dance, race and laugh. Emerson, Makenzie and Linda watched and waved laughing at us and the girls were dancing too. The energy in the air was that of FUN. Everyone was to have FUN.

3.2.1.....START!  Jack, Chris and I ran through the race arch and were on our way. We embarked on a few hills right in the beginning. Sweeeeet. I love to climb hills and felt good. It was about 93 degrees and blistering sun which made it more of a challenge. Gradually, Chris fell into his own pace and Jack and I were running alongside each other.  He is such a solid runner and competitive athlete, I can't help but race better when alongside him. He maneuvers his body like a gazelle at times, hopping from foot to foot with a comfortable cadence. First obstacle approached; 3 7-8 foot walls to climb over.  Both of us jumped up and over confidently.  Running continued up and down some  hills. Next obstacle of muddy barrels.  Clump clump went the mud when it latched onto our running shoes.  We kept moving, at this point I was a bit ahead of Jack on another climb. My legs and knees felt strong and solid. Phew, 5 months post surgery and my body was doing what it's supposed to do. Another few obstacle walls we blasted over independently and then...one that was to high. Heck, I am 5'1", not the tallest girl by any means. Before I could even ask, Jack bent over and yelled, "Erin, just jump on my back. You got this." With a quick jump and leap, I was up and over the wall.  Jack's "back stool" repeated two more times until we were at the tires. Quick steps through each muddy tire; using agility work that came easy from teaching so many boot camp classes.

After the tires Jack looked at me with a smirk, "We're not muddy enough. Where is the MUD??  Erin, I think we're the first in our wave now too." Ah, the competitive boy is always there, and funnily enough I had already noticed the same thing.  We embarked on more groups of runners and passed them as we swished through the obstacles and on the trail. Up one hill we heard screaming and cheering. Two big walls, and I mean big.  The outline of some people standing at the bottom just staring up with feet paralyzed in the dirt.  As we approached, we saw their faces that had fearful expressions. I yelled to Jack, "Just do it! GO". The first wall had 2 inch pieces of wood ledges you could grab onto that were spaced about 4 feet apart. If you didn't grasp well, you'd fall down to the bottom, or on top of the person below you. There was a strong guy, about 25 years old and 6 feet tall, climbing next to me, For each wide stretch my legs took to reach the ledge, he glided up, but was nervous looking down to the ground. We teased each other and raced to the top. At the top, flipped around and climbed down the rope net ladder. At this point I heard Makenzie and Emerson yelling, "Go Mommy! Go, race Daddy, GO FAST Mooooom!".  It felt great to high five their little hands and continue on to the next part...a steep down hill to more up and down. I have to admit, the downhill scared me with my knees. I wanted to mentally feel "normal", but after double knee surgery this is my "new normal" and while I climbed down it was OK! Jack was in front looking back with a gleam in his eye and yelled, "How are they now? Feeling good? Should we push through the mud?". "Sure!" I cheered back.  I didn't realize what he really meant until I saw the mud pit in front of him.

We came upon a mud pit that looked like a pig's dream home. People were trying to edge around it and not get muddy....until Jack leaped in doing a dive roll.  Head to toe covered in mud.  It made everyone gasp and Jack grin.  I followed suit, not a dive roll, but blasted through.  Speedy and muddy up the hill laughing at Jack. Next mud pit, we both just crawled through and went all out.  There was one thing with running through splattering mud, but another with blasting through it on all fours. At this point, we were committed to the mud and getting down and dirty. Out of the second big pit, climbed up globbing along and determined to finish fast. More mud, another wall and mini climbs up we accomplished.  Next we heard the cheers looking up to see people watching down at the final obstacles. Barbed wire to crawl under through mud pits.  We plowed through as some others were tip-toeing around trying not to get dirty.  At this point I just smiled and laughed at them, "You're in a mud run. Get dirty! It will wash off later." Under the final wire, upright position found, ran to the finish line alongside Jack. It was INCREDIBLE! We had grins ear to ear and were on Cloud Nine.  Someone came up yelling at me, "It was so fun to watch you two not caring and having fun! Thank you!".  Ah, made my day since we just did what we wanted to and as Jack pointed out, came out in the end the first in our wave of 200+ runners. 

Want a hug Girls??

We ran to see the girls and Linda at the top of the hill by the obstacles.  The girls wouldn't hug us but made faces instead. I couldn't stop jumping and smiling....and spotted Chris climbing down the rope ladder.  He waved and asked where the mud was...before I knew what was happening I popped in to run the last third of the race with him too.  This time covered in mud, which got Chris eager to join our muddy selves.  Chris calls me his "Mini Motivator", which I tried to live up to while wiping mud from my mouth as I spoke". Chris and I ran through the obstacles, mud pits and up the hill at the end with him joining us in the full mud fun too.

At the end, the three of us were covered head to toe, in mud, and huge smiles. Linda, Makenzie and Emerson took pictures of us and the moment immediately etched in my mind as a favorite of all time. It could have been the camaraderie, the physical challenge, the support, competing outside the traditional running box, overcoming new races post surgery and the partnership with Jack.  We washed off the mud with huge water trucks that just sprayed us down. We were still a bit dirty with mud gobs in places they shouldn't be, but from the outside looked rinsed and ready to start again.

It is parallel to where we are in life.  The entire mud run was.  Jack and I are an incredible team, especially with the cheering on of our daughters. We have run through one mud pit after another, but always put a hand out to help one another get through it. Sometimes our entire bodies are covered in layers of mud, but we know it's an obstacle we'll get through.  We leap over puddles, run through them, sometimes fall down and climb over walls.  At the end, through companionship and teamwork, we get washed off and get to run a new race.  It may take a few washes to clean us off (my sports bra still has some dirt in it!), but we'll get there and be ready to leap and laugh.  Our life may be muddy, but our LIFE IS GOOD! 

Life is GOOD!! 

Joy!!!

Today is off to a great start and going to be incredible!!! YOU can make it incredible, even if it started with a coffee cup being spilled in your lap,  or your kid poo pooing the whole wheat waffles you surprised her with on a school morning after rushing in from teaching boot camp. Why?  Because the sun is shining, there was cereal in the cupboard as back up, and she was right.  The whole wheat waffles weren't as good as the buttermilk ones.   Blast some Guns N Roses and just dance or jump for joy! JUMP JUMP JUMP and you'll feel GOOD GOOD GOOD!
xoxox Muah ---Erin

P.S. Blogging again so watch out...many posts to come soon

Percentages

This week I became part of a percentage of people who entered Children's Hospital Oakland Notes&Words contest.  The challenge was to write an 800 word essay about your kid being sick, illness, life, parenting, divorce, adjustment, and everything in between.  Two of my favorite writers, Kelly Corrigan and Anne Lamott, are two of the judges.  Thus, a new percentage to add to my runner up essay title "Percentages"(it is the essay that I didn't submit).  The one I did submit is titled "Love". Crossing fingers they like it. ;) 


Enjoy....and thanks for reading.  xoxox Erin
 

Percentages-

Less than 2 percent of people get pregnant on the pill.  Ding, that’s our Miracle Makenzie.  Less than 2 percent of children get diagnosed with severe Accute Pancreatitis and mutliorgan failure. Ding, that’s Makenzie.  Less than 5 % of these cases get psuedopsysts that don’t drain independently.  Ding ding ding…that is Makenzie Christina Shirey.  To say that she defies the odds is an understatement. When every doctor, nurse, and Medical Director whispers they’ve never seen a case quite like your child, it is not a  percentage you want to be in. Especially when your child is at a hospital known for dealing with rare pediatric cases. All the while, every concerned family and friend says, “You know the percentage of parents who get divorced over hospitalized kids is huge”. Really, that percentage too?? Can’t there be a guaranteed percentage we fall into titled, “The percentage of families who face unfathomable situations and come out stronger defying every odd?”.  We’ve embraced the phrase Embrace Life’s Challenges because we don’t know how to live otherwise.

ICU- Day 6

Brilliant eyes came back- out of ICU, 3rd floor

Bug eyes, it’s what Makenzie had when I walked in the room. Who knew that 18 hours of stomach flu would evolve into a hallucinating 6.5 year old who looked like she just took acid.  I’ve never dropped acid, but I’ve been around friends who have, and their eyes reminded me of my innocent daughter’s. How was that possible at age 6? I know the time would come in the teen years to discuss drugs and bug eyes, but not in first grade.  Eyes as big as saucers, extremities frozen with body warm, and foam coming out of her mouth like a dog carrying rabies.  My Miracle Makenzie morphed into a manic child who didn’t recognize me, her Mother who has been her biggest cheerleader since seeing the two pink lines 7.5 years before.  In the ER waiting room, she seized in my arms and was rushed into the OR.  One doctor, another, whispers, tubes and hushed words filling a bubble cloud in the room full of “brain damage, meningitis, dog bite, rabies, organ failure, spinal”. But no words directed towards me, the Mother of the sweet little girl splayed on the operating table in her favorite yellow daisy nightgown. She looked like an actress auditioning for the tv show, “ER”, not my kid. I shared stories hoping she’d be soothed by my voice. Instead she was paralyzed by all going on around her and couldn’t give me eye contact.  I was craving that connection; the comfort that “she” was still there and would continue to defy odds.

Week 3.5- Emerson and Makenzie finally got to see each other! Sister love.

In the ICU for the 10 days after, we finally got the diagnosis of Accute Pancreatits.  Really, what adult alcoholics get is what brought my daughter to the hospital? “We may be Irish, but not that Irish!” was all I could say to help create laughter.   We needed laughter.  From the ICU she was hospitalized and had 3 surgeries and countless procedures.  Picc line infections, daily vomiting, NJ tubes, IV’s, blood draws, nurse strike, chapel, wagon rides, pole races, sibling visiting hours, ultrasound, MRI, small percentages and new normal were our “new normal” phrases.

music therapy

Makenzie finally recognized me with her dynamic Hazel eyes on day 2 of the ICU, and from there we connected each moment with eye contacts.  Words spoken through looks raised brows, fishbowl-full tear eyes, frustrated narrow brow, and exhausted red streaked eyes.  She’d close her eyes for peace, but listen to every word spoken around her. She wanted to hear that she’d be the winning percentage to make it home unscathed …so did we. 

How do you know you’ve made it to the other side of a winning, “made it”, percentage, when each day is a struggle to continue plugging forward? We know we can’t live in daily fear of Makenzie getting sick again, but it is ever-present.  And how one copes with that is different; the stressors of a hospitalized child and a young toddler eager for her family to come home.  What is the guarantee for a family fitting back together, once all grieve and cope the lost feeling or normalcy? There isn’t. You’re never guaranteed that.  But you have to work your arse off for it to happen, and work incredibly hard allowing yourself to live in the moment. 

You aren’t guaranteed when saying “I do” that you’ll experience horrific stressors, with the ability to cope and nurture each other the way you need to be treated.  Odds are it won’t happen. Odds are you’ll have to work incredibly hard on your relationship, while simultaneously nurturing your post hospitalized family.  Honestly, these elements are almost as challenging as having a sick child. Why? Because as an adult, you wish your partner could have superpowers like a mind-reader.  The depletion from medical bills, keeping peace, and maintaining balance is there and you can’t bear the energy to nurture someone else too. But you do. You do because you want to defy another percentage and make IT. You push through the post hospital trials to make it to another percentage the doctors can tell new ICU families. That of a family who had every odd stacked against them and is now thriving. The family whose daughter once had bug eyes but ended with big brown hazel eyes shining brightly.  Because beating the small percentage was what they were supposed to do. 

How we knew normalcy could happen again- weeks between CHO and UCSF at HOME! November 2010

1 More Day...

As I am searching for more luck of the Irish today, being the Irish girl I am, I wanted to share a favorite of mine.  Take a peak at your favorite Irish pal, bet their eyes are twinkling today too.

---Slainte!

When Irish Eyes Are Smiling

When Irish eyes are smiling

Sure it's like a morning spring.

In the lilt of Irish laughter,

You can hear the angels sing.

When Irish hearts are happy,

All the world seems bright and gay.

And when Irish eyes are smiling,

Sure, they steal your heart away.

 

 

Definitely WILL

"We acquire the strength we have overcome." 

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Girls in the wheelchair ready for me to use!

It has been 11 days since both of my knees were operated to become "bionic".  While I know that in due time they will feel much better, I truly DO believe and understand that, I recently had a few days of "Pity Party Table of One".  The nerves of the surgery not "working", frustrations of not being able to rotate my feet and knees comfortably, angst of pain while sleeping, and the lack of endorphin rush I get from exercising were starting to wear on me.  BUT I am blown away with how great I have felt too!  The first day I could walk...yes I used the walker, but I was able to walk a bit and hold myself up on both legs. Both of my knees were operated on...that felt wild.  The nurse said in her 9.5 years working at the surgery center, she only had one other patient have double knee surgery.  To compare he wasn't able to walk on both legs for a while.  I thought for sure the girls would be pushing me in the wheelchair, as they were to eager to call me their "old mama".

The first week I had meds in me...lots and lots of meds.  I was a good patient, taking them every 4 hours as prescribed.  I "signed" an agreement with my orthopedic surgeon that I would listen to my body and not do much.  I iced every 90 minutes for 60 minutes, and still am icing, A LOT!  The icing is good since it makes me sit down and "chill"...no pun intended.  I hadn't felt the urge to push it and exercise; I was overly focused on being a good patient and having a strong recovery.  This is a surgery that affects not only my knees for doing competitive sports; but my livelihood being a personal trainer and fitness business owner, my anxiety through healthy stress release in exercise and my ability to partake in many of our fun family active adventures. While it seems frustrating, I know it is temporary. It is interesting though, I had friends and family asking daily how I was holding on.  They know me way to well and have been phenomenal!  They were supportive and kind, curious if I was jonesing yet to take off and "go".  I felt ok until Christmas Eve.

Emerson riding to help pass out bread- She "Believes"

Day 6 had me eager to move and get out of our house.  We walked to Pappo to help at the Christmas Eve soup kitchen.  The girls rode their bikes and I was able to walk holding onto E's bike's handle bars.  We had planned on helping out for a long while and knowing it was only 1 mile to Park Street, I thought I'd be ok.  It felt SO GOOD to be out and helping other people.  TO help those in need and give them a smile. I may have been hobbling a bit from table to table, but the girls enjoyed it and knew they were fortunate.  While I may have been healing from my surgeries, I knew that we healed from being supported by family through jobloss related relocation or Makenzie's long term hospitalization last year.  Those we were helping aren't so fortunate and many, the girls found out, don't have families to love them. Yes it hurt when I got bopped while turning to pass a plate, or squeezing by a family to sit down.  But the message of how blessed we are was needed by all of us.

Icing in the office at Pappo- small price to help others 12.24.11

After Pappo my knees were a bit sore so I pulled back my walking. Christmas was full of fun, presents, painting and enjoying family.  I stopped the intense pain meds since they were to much on my system. Thus I enjoyed some needed wine.  Dad's wine tasting was much more appreciated because yes, it did help with some of the pain. We celebrated how far we have come and grateful we all are for the little things, with my brother, Tyler, throwing in some funny and lame comments of course, but  reinforcing again that the double knee surgery is temporary.

Day 10- feeling pain.  My post - op appointment was  rescheduled by Dr. Z on account of jury duty and is now scheduled for January 4th.  The eagerness to move has started to grow. Reading all the Facebook posts by my peer personal trainers to their clients, mapping out my own goals for my clients and the desire to focus on New GOALS for 2012 has started the bubbling to burst even bigger in my belly to train hard.  And yes, I do have a little belly now from not exercising for 11 days over the Holidays. Your body can shift, remember that peeps!  Use it or lose it!  This little tummy is temporary too, I do know, but the excitement for training has me excited and nervous.  Thus...the words Definitely and Will.  

The wise bicycling Makenzie- Age 7.5   Dec. 29, 2011

Yesterday on Day 10 we walked to the park with the girls. They rode their new bikes and for me, upon going to the park for the first time in 11 days, I felt a bit nervous.  I have felt stronger walking each day, but what about uneven bark chips. How would I hold up?  The imbalance was surprisingly ok, but I forgot I would have to say, "No I can't yet girls".  No to tag, no to monkey bars, no to pushing E on the swings, no to dinosaur tag.  So Makenzie asked me to try and do some push ups on the raised portion of the play structure.   Yes, she is my daughter and learned well.  I did. I started with 20... damn it felt good.  I did another 20 and then followed with 3 sets of 25.  I felt on top of the world and then....I felt my patellas from the pressure.  I had tried push ups a few days prior using our elevated steps to place my hands and relieve the body weight pressure.  It was too intense and painful on my knee caps.  But it was a positive physical step.  I looked over at Jack and started silently crying.  He was running, chasing a squeeling Emerson, and my heart felt heavy.  The thought of, "What if I did this surgery and it didn't work" passed through my head.  Since I was quiet I thought Makenzie didn't notice, but she did.

Makenzie's serious COACH face. "Definitely WILL"

Makenzie came over, looked at me straight in the face and pulled me to her chest in a tight hug. She released me and asked, " Mom, what is the matter?  Are you ok?". I said, "I am watching your Daddy run with Emerson and I hope I will be fast at running again. I hope that my surgery took and I will be faster at running and can race with you and your sister when you are older. I really hope so.".  Makenzie immediately grabbed my cheeks, and looked me straight in the eyes again.  She said:

" Mom, YOU know better than that. 

You replace Hope with Definite 

and So with WILL. 

There is NO HOPE SO. 

There is ONLY DEFINITELY WILL. 

YOU WILL BE FASTER AND STRONGER.

I PROMISE."

More tears now streaming down my cheeks and I smiled saying, "Makenzie, did I teach that to you? If so, you listened and great job on your timing, kid.". She responded, "No Mom, it's all from up here (pointing to her brain). But you can use it if you want since it's true." Ah, Makenzie,  what a wise soul. I feel so grateful she was a miracle blessed to my life. 

NOW, for all of you wishing to make goals for 2012 happen, think of a wise 7.5 year old. Don't ever say: HOPE and SO.  But you say, "I DEFINITELY WILL!".  

Much love and many goals and challenges to overcome to make us stronger in the New Year~ 

Erin Kreitz Shirey

Little Ryan Needs Powerful Prayers...

Right now I am home in my little house, with 2 wonderful daughters sleeping in their bunk beds, typing next to Jack.  Life is special, wonderful and I am beyond grateful for every minute, even the tough ones.  Sadly as we are in a state of comfort, our friend Ryan McGowan, Makenzie's little buddy who was her "light" at UCSF, is back at UCSF and needs many prayers. He has hyperinsulinism and has been bleeding internally but they don't know where from.  Sweet little Ryan is really sick. 

My heart is so heavy for his Mom, Carolyn, who got to be a wonderful and special friend. I wrote about both of them before (tank is filled & Carolyn ), and our life is forever richer for our time spent with them. Right now, we all need to strong for them.  Please say a prayer for Ryan, Carolyn, his Dad Corey and 3 siblings.  Ryan has incredible strength and courage but needs more. I truly feel prayers work miracles....please pray...

Makenzie  (age 6.5) and Ryan (age 22 months) - 12.12.10

Spasms

Yes, I am a spaz in many ways, as we all are. I love to laugh until my tummy hurts, to share lame jokes, to watch silly movies with lovey dovey plots that are predictable and to make the biggest splashes in the pool with my kids.  But what I don't like....when my back is a SPAZ!

This week my body decided to let me know I needed to step back.  I am sure it has happened to all of you at some point.  This year has been full, the past 6 weeks are no exception.  A road trip with the girls to Portland solo parenting, Hood to Coast, jumping back to school year and nightly meetings, Makenzie's first full year at Otis school (we hope), added on more boot camp classes, more Personal Training Clients, Pacific Grove Tri, sprained wrist from bike fall, Jack working late, Georgia trip and on and on.  It sounds like many of your September's I assume...you want to do it all and be proficient with everything you do.  And then I put a goal on myself to do a big challenge in September...what was I thinking at the time was it was a perfect challenge.  At the end of the month I accomplished many of the tasks, but still had more to do and felt I didn't keep up to my own goals. Do you ever feel like that? 

Then last week some wild stress hit. I thought I could heal it all with my norm of spinning, running, swimming, training, and laughing.  I tried to muscle through, but my back wouldn't have it.  Sunday in a 3000 yard swim workout, my back started to seize up.  No No NO I thought. It can't happen now, swimming is my safe sport and my oasis of peace.  Maybe I was being played on by the higher power, another lesson to be learned since for some reason it seems I am one to keep "learning".  I thought, Embrace the challenge Erin, embrace your back and do mermaid swimming for a bit. I did, felt better, and then had to curl into a ball.

It's ok, I can get stretch and work through this, right?  I set up Monday - Wednesday by the minute; Jack and the girls flew early to Georgia and I wasn't leaving until today, Wednesday, to get a lot of work done.  Then Monday hit...I had an awesome spin class, worked out after and planned on lifting that night.  Stress starting getting to my gut and my stomach started to hurt a bit. "Come on Erin, muscle through", said my inner voice. Watched a lame movie in the quiet house, tackled some of my to do and that night, my back started to spasm and the pain continued. NO, this was not in my plan for my time to work kidless. I had things to do and taking care of my back was not one of them. Tuesday, my back was not great at all and the day that was to be full of tons of training, clients and work ended up with Orthopedic MD for knee update(planned), 1. 5 hours at the Chiropractor for my back (not planned), hour massage for back(not planned), haircut (yeah planned!) and light spin which for me felt great on my back. While I had wanted to push it and get 100 things done, even with a lot of my to-do's that I was able to accomplish, my body said to hold on and breath. Just breath and breath again. 


Today I woke up a new person.  After a night of ice and breathing it all in.  
 
Why ... because I took time to meditate last night and just step back... physically and literally.  

Relish the time to be alone and know that the "to-do" list will always be there.

It is easy to keep going and taking care of everyone, everything and think that you are taking care of your own needs while nursing all around you.  But are you really?  Are you taking moments to just "be" and not worry about feeling productive?  

I know for me that is a hot topic. I have a tough time not mutlitasking, especially as I still feel I have tons of catching up to do. I cram every minute on MWF when I work/teach train clients all day and have our wonderful nanny, Hannah, watch the girls after school.  I am slammed with to-do items. Mind you I love that I ride my bike from appointment to appointment, but even if I do that and feel rushed, am I really enjoying the ride along the way?  But on Tuesday and Thursday, after I teach first thing in the morning, I am off playing with Emerson and being "Mom". I thought that was enough to keep my own life stress in check, but I realized I have not been so honest with myself.  While we step back on those days, I am still riding to soccer class, to gymnastics class, Brownies, learning the Art Docent program and taking care of our home.  I love all of this, but I think sitting back and reading a good book or a trashy magazine needs to fall in to my to-do's ... and not be done while I am on the elliptical trainer at the gym, but in my favorite red chair in the family room.

The spasms set me back, but also set me forward.  It was an eye-opener for me to really set back and breath.  I realized I need to nourish my own soul as I am helping everyone else, and doing nothing sometimes is the best thing to do. Period. 

In December I will have time to focus on doing nothing. It looks like I'll be having double knee surgery then, but it will progress me forward as an athlete and as a trainer.  That challenge, interestingly enough, seems just like that.  It will be a gift to move forward as I got the initial answer on Tuesday regarding what would happen.  More to come on that later, but last night I thought about how maybe the spasms were helping me prep for sitting back and letting my own body heal post surgery. I can't control everything, so to just go with it and breath along the way is a lesson in itself.

What do you do to breath? What do you do to wind down and listen to your body?  Have you have moments of spasms too? If so, what made you breath better?

So I sign off with breathing. Taking one moment at a time and stepping back to just breath, read some silly books, and own up to doing to much for a bit and needing to take care of myself.  It may be selfish, but it may also be the best gift I give back to everyone around whom I adore.

Much love to you and make sure to breath.....

100 days

Tomorrow marks the last 100 days of 2011.  For some reason, this resonates with me this year.  At first when realizing that I had my business/trainer hat on and thought of 100 days of 100 push/ups day or 100 exercise challenge each day. But this is a different year. 

Maybe because I just realized that last year on the 100th day till 2011, our lives were forever changed.  We began living a journey full of medical terms, ICU's, being stretched so thin, hearts so full yet so broken, and trying to squeeze every ounce of hope and faith each day had to offer.  Last year at this time I was in Portland, Oregon, visiting girlfriends and at a business conference for The Power MOB. While laughing and having fun, it was a rare time I was away from my family by myself.  Wednesday, September 22nd, Makenzie got ready for school and threw up in the bushes in front of Mom and Dad's house. On day 99, I rushed her to the ER. That began our wild ride...on the 100th day to the end of 2010. 

This year will be DIFFERENT!  After I finish writing, I am going to come up with a list with Makenzie, Emerson and Jack for what our family can do for the last 100 days.  For us, these 100 days signal that we made it. We have had the odds against us as a family.  Last year, many shared with concern that hospitalized kids, job loss, and relocation alone are cause for families to break up.  We experienced all of those in 9 months time. And now, come 101 days from this moment, we will have survived the post year mark with love and understanding.  That, to me, is HUGE!  It has been a journey I don't wish to repeat, but am forever fortunate and grateful for. The 4 of us learned how strong our family unit is in a much deeper level than I thought possible...because of it. 

100 days means: 
100 days to say I love you to my family
100 chances to do something great for someone
100 days to embrace all the emotions of the past year
100 days to allow myself to grieve the "normal" time I did lose last year with my kids, and fully appreciate the last 100 days I have with them right now to play all day long
100 days means 100 x to try new exercises
100 days to write 100 letters to friends & family
100 days to run at least 3 miles/day  
100 days to enjoy each sunrise and sunset
100 days to call friends and family to hear their voices
100 days to send Jack love letters at work
100 days to dance out loud, laugh hard with deep belly laughs, and have pillow and water fights with my family
100 days to laugh with my girls as we do the running man like nobody's business
100 days to appreciate all that is around and take it in....truly take and embrace all the joy, challenge, love, emotion, differences, peacefulness, and precious moments that life gives us

What are you going to do for your 100 days?

Cheers to the last 100 days of 2011!  Muah! Stoller Vineyards, Oregon 8.28.11

Pretty Cool....

Last week I found out I was voted  2011 Most Motivational Personal Trainer by Alameda Magazine.  It may seem small on some accounts in a city of about 80,000, but it has made me proud and blissed in so many ways.  Take a read at the "Thank You" I wrote to the Power Fitness PDX peeps.  It really does mean a lot, and thank you for the love.  I know this blog is about embracing my life's challenges, and starting over, having a hospitalized child, and re-building my life in the Bay Area have been some of them...tiny little events that have evolved and made me stronger.  With love-Erin 

Thank you Thank you Thank you!  

You voted, the city voted and guess what....I was just named the  

2011 Most Motivational Personal Trainer by Alameda Magazine!   

To say it is an honor is an understatement.  To say that it had me smiling and filled with pride, joy and gratefulness is an understatement as well.  Many reasons but a significantly huge one is I should award all of YOU Most Motivational Clients/Friends/Business Owners/Family.  I am motivated by YOU every day to not only try hard to do the best with my fitness business and as a Personal Trainer, but to challenge my own self to go beyond my comfort zone and live the best life possible.  YOU motivate me to be as healthy, active, educated, joyful, present and live in the moment daily.  Thank you so very much for being the stars of motivation in many aspects that shape me to do what I do.   

The reasons I feel so appreciative for this honor and recognition are:

1. We moved back to Alameda, the city I was born and raised in, New Years 2010.  It was a big move that was fast and during a zany time of year, the holidays.  After having lived and loved Portland, Oregon, for 6 years, after the economy shifted and a big job layoff, we realized it was time for our family to be back by family and lifelong friends.  We were nervous and sad about leaving Portland, our girls only "known" home.  But we felt the New Year was a great time to start a new adventure and to go for it.  One of the reasons I was nervous stemmed from owning my own, relationship based business.  Starting over meant starting with all new clients, laying out my credibility, creating a new environment and building a new network as a business owner in a city that knew me as kid on my bicycle. Fresh start = Fresh NEW adventure and challenges. 

CHEERS TO YOU MOTIVATING EVERYONE TO JUMP FOR JOY

 2. YOU, without realizing it, helped me be my child's BEST advocate when she was in the hospital September-December 2010.  I fell to my knees daily when Makenzie  couldn't see and made a point to get up and be strong for her without question.  When I was able to teach Power Fitness PDX in the mornings, I would, and returned to the hospital regenerated and inspired to keep putting one foot in front of the other on her endless and exhausting marathon of a race back to health.  YOU supported my family with love, kindness, meals, day-to-day support, and words that meant more to us than we can ever share with you.  When I wasn't able to support you 110% like I strive to, YOU shared with me to use that energy for Makenzie and Emerson. To support her without question and YOU would train and workout together the days I couldn't come to teach. The days turned to weeks and yet YOU continued on.  That motivation you had to train as a TEAM supporting each other as YOU supported my family will forever be a gift.  Together. Empower.Achieve.Motivate. Thank YOU.  

3. I have the gift of seeing you in action, working hard, in the mornings and afternoons daily. I get to laugh with you when training to lose the chicken legs in your front yard, while saying "Good Morning" to each passing neighbor. Or training in class at Power Fitness PDX with goals ranging from learning to not just wear workout pants because of the elastic waist effect, to doing a proper push up and increase speed and intensity with running. And I get to watch you leave your desk for an hour at work to challenge yourselves to get strong and lean doing burpees and caterpillars in the Alameda Business Park courtyard... while losing the Lucy 10.  I am the lucky one who witnesses the sweat induced hard work...but all of your friends and family are paying attention!  You are motivating THEM to be healthier, more active, try new sports, enjoy a PFPDX date night boot camp, put on their running shoes to race, do push ups during TV commercials, go for an evening bike ride as a family, walk the stairs instead of ride the elevator, and grow a vegetable garden together instead of growing bigger bellies together! YOU motivate all around you by living, eating, sleeping and LIVING the day to day lifestyle of being ACTIVE and HEALTHY!!!  Congrats to YOU!    

Cheers to an award that means the world.  And Cheers to YOU for making me  more inspired, motivated, determined and energized to live up to the title and continue to be the Most Motivational Personal Trainer of 2011!  

  

Remember to always .... Challenge the POWER of YOU! 

  

----Erin Kreitz Shirey

Owner & Lead Trainer of

Power Fitness PDX LLC 

Voted Alameda Magazine  

2011 Most Motivational Personal Trainer