|2006- year 2|
With the first 8 years of marriage behind us now, I am craving a year of just having fun traveling the world together as a family with NO HEAVY responsibility. Meaning, we get to save up and not use it for medical bills or debt but to put our life on hold for 6 months and take off around the world to PLAY. I know it is a dream because being an adult = responsibility, but I fantasize. I fantasize about the great feeling of escaping back to those pre family memories of what you have laid out for a charmed life. The feeling before hurt and pain, before the heartache of talking but not hearing each other. The time of looking forward to a night alone sometimes instead of a date out with your partner just to breath. But guess what, how you plan out life doesn't always happen in your timeline and the best thing to do is embrace it. If you push it away, it will only cause splinters to every ounce of your being.
How one copes is how they have to manage to breath. We had weeks over this past year that would happen and neither of us were communicating well. Thus avoidance and irritation and resentment built up. Sometimes that led to long solo runs for me and for staying at work to late for Jack. We had a breakdown of listening as coping with the exhaustion, intensity and digestion of all that happened with Makenzie was overwhelming. Once home with both of our daughters in their beds, we had time to talk about what happened....but it was to hard to talk. Jack doesn't want to talk about what if's and while I don't either, I needed to feel a game plan for the "what if's" since Makenzie does have only 1/3 of her pancreas left. I need to know if hospitalization happens again, we can communicate and support each other better. The hurt and anger of times when we needed to communicate best but were communicating at our worst haunted me. You can't change what words you've shared or thought, but you can learn and evolve from them for future conversations.
|2007- Year 4|
|2010- Year 6-7 - UCSF|
Last weekend I found out of two more friends who are getting divorced. We are at the age of first marriages ending. Yes, rough way to start the weekend as you contemplate the heartache of others. Sadly one dear friend wants to communicate and her husband decided he is already done. It made me think about this last year and how people who are married don't talk about the hard work that goes into marriage. I have thought about this for a while, especially when people say about the last year, "You and Jack are so lucky to have each other. You are the best at being teammates." Yes, they are right. We are great teammates. We also work very hard and have lows that happen with all of the challenges we've faced. We've had times of eagerness to escape on solo trips to Hawaii, and don't feel that is actually bad. They are real and true during some times of marriage. Through those lows we're able to embrace the highs as we finally get through them.
|2011- Years 7-8|
I ask you, how is it you and your partner communicate? How did you visualize being married and how has the vision evolved? How is it you feel you have learned the most over the years and what is it you would love to share about real love? I know for me, I have learned so much and through each unexpected challenge know there is a light at the end that leads to greater sense of communication and support of loving each other...for all that we are and hope to be.
|2012- St. Patrick's Day Family Dinner- 3.11.2012 - Our life|