Run run run run!!! It is a great day, National Running Day, did you get your miles in? I love that a day is dedicated to encourage everyone to lace up and run. Even if you never have run down your block, go for it today! It is your day to move and have fun doing so. Learn that your body is made to be active, not sitting at a desk.
Have fun and count how many runners you see today. Emerson and I did just that and counted 15 runners. We had a great 5.5 mile run and literally within 5 minutes of putting away the jogger, it started to pour rain like Noah needed water for his Arc! Have fun, get your miles in, and remember, you don't melt in the rain when you run!
Cheers and Happy Running!!!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
A run that was SO RIGHT and went SO WRONG
Jack got home from my brother's bachelor party in New Orleans very late on Sunday night. As we were talking back and forth during his travels back home, I told him I was ready to RUN HARD on Monday and couldn't wait to pound the pavement. He understood as every runner does- 3 days without an intense run leaves a parent ready to pound it out. Mind you I had a blast with pur girls while Jack was gone, and we played tons on the rainy days inside, but my body was ready to push it.
Monday morning came, the four of us walked to the park together and then I took off for my run. My goal was to do 6 miles with a comfortable pace the first 2, push it the second 2 miles, and then blast it the last two miles. I had my iPhone Pandora station set to Katy Perry, favorite running capris and tank comfortably rockin', and was rolling along the beach path before I knew it. I ran upon a familiar gait and came upon Annie C. from Power Fitness PDX. We chatted a few steps and I rocked on. My pace was comfortable, about 7:20/25. I noticed so many people on the beach path and thought about how great Alameda is to raise kids; how fun it is to ride bicycles to the beach and even if overcast bring buckets and shovels to play in the sand. When I got to the Windsurf Shack my eyes continued to look towards the sky and the tons of kite surfers - kites dancing their way above our heads. I spotted an Irish kite made of shamrocks and smiled, knowing it was a sign I would make my kite surfing dream happen.
Coming up on mile 3-4 I decided to pick it up a notch. Smiling at every runner, giving the runner wave and nod, my body moved forward into racing mode. I was on the latter part of the See Jane Run course that I'm racing this upcoming Sunday, June 5th, and my body naturally started to kick into higher gear. Checked my watch-whew miles 3 was faster averaging 6:40/45 pace! My smile was growing and I was feeling good. But that soon changed.
At the turn around and I began running back towards home, my body was in a good place. I felt in tune with each step, my mind wasn't stressing on much, and then....I saw 4 police cars and two firetrucks ahead of me at Willow. My initial thought was Heaven forbid, a child was hit, but I continued my pace and ran closer. I was ready to close my eyes, fearing the heartache of identifying to closely with an injured child's parents', but was surprised to see fire fighters and police officers holding binoculars looking towards the water. Phew, I thought, a fun bit of sea life came towards the shore and they were probably called upon to assist with a rescue. The joys of living on an island ... I thought.
Once I passed Willow St. and all the cops, I pushed it faster determined to see what my body could do. Continuing down the nature path, running through Makenzie's school and towards home, my pace pushed 6:15/6:20 the last 2.5 miles! The sweat across my brow and down my back was intense, while my runner's high was strong. You know the feeling...one of sweat induced pride from a great run. I opened the front door excited to share the good run with Jack and the girls, in addition to sharing there was some fun action at the beach that may be some fun animal life. Heck, it happened in the '80's with Humphry the Humpback Whale in the Bay, so there must have been some fun excitement in the Bay again!
After talking and showering, we got distracted and decided to do some errands instead of rush back to the beach. Thank goodness we changed plans ...Today I brought up in Power Fitness PDX that there was something great at the beach yesterday. Not having any inkling of what a boot camper was about to share, my heart sunk when hearing what the real "something" was at the beach. A man walked into the water attempting to commit suicide and the Police and Fire Departments didn't have the water jurisdiction to rescue him. The many people at the beach didn't act act on the Good Samaritan law since they thought the Fire and Police had it under control. A 20 year old gal finally went out to help rescue the 53 year old man, but it was to late.
Hearing this has infuriated me. Being a lifeguard and swim instructor for years, I would have run into the water and waded to get the man to the shore. When running by the scene, everyone seemed non-chalant as if it wasn't an emergency but a safe rescue situation. Having experienced a dear friend's suicide just last August, it is a horrible experience and you feel helpless in not being able to help the one you loved. You feel helpless not being able to save any life- knowing the person or not. The government officials had the people at the beach, those running by and those who lived in all the apartments on Shoreline, with a false sense of security that they had the situation under control. Typing this has my blood boiling.
How is it, on an island, there is no jurisdiction to rescue people in the water? How is it possible that a man can commit suicide in the middle of the day, with so many watching feeling the situation was under control? How can there not be funds to pay for water rescue training of all officials, but there is money to pay for nice pensions and comfortable salaries??
Needless to say, the run will forever be remembered. One that is so sweet in speed, but bitter in experience. A run that made me think about why we are living in California, a state I love so much, but am so disappointed in with the government and where spending limits it's officials. So I write in hopes others are outraged too. I write in sharing my sadness that a life was lost while others looked on thinking he was ok, and in hoping it is a situation that will never be repeated for the rest of my daughters' lifetime. Once an island girl, always an island girl. But this was one day I wish I grew up on a different island....
** To read the story about the drowning, please read here & here
Monday morning came, the four of us walked to the park together and then I took off for my run. My goal was to do 6 miles with a comfortable pace the first 2, push it the second 2 miles, and then blast it the last two miles. I had my iPhone Pandora station set to Katy Perry, favorite running capris and tank comfortably rockin', and was rolling along the beach path before I knew it. I ran upon a familiar gait and came upon Annie C. from Power Fitness PDX. We chatted a few steps and I rocked on. My pace was comfortable, about 7:20/25. I noticed so many people on the beach path and thought about how great Alameda is to raise kids; how fun it is to ride bicycles to the beach and even if overcast bring buckets and shovels to play in the sand. When I got to the Windsurf Shack my eyes continued to look towards the sky and the tons of kite surfers - kites dancing their way above our heads. I spotted an Irish kite made of shamrocks and smiled, knowing it was a sign I would make my kite surfing dream happen.
At the turn around and I began running back towards home, my body was in a good place. I felt in tune with each step, my mind wasn't stressing on much, and then....I saw 4 police cars and two firetrucks ahead of me at Willow. My initial thought was Heaven forbid, a child was hit, but I continued my pace and ran closer. I was ready to close my eyes, fearing the heartache of identifying to closely with an injured child's parents', but was surprised to see fire fighters and police officers holding binoculars looking towards the water. Phew, I thought, a fun bit of sea life came towards the shore and they were probably called upon to assist with a rescue. The joys of living on an island ... I thought.
Once I passed Willow St. and all the cops, I pushed it faster determined to see what my body could do. Continuing down the nature path, running through Makenzie's school and towards home, my pace pushed 6:15/6:20 the last 2.5 miles! The sweat across my brow and down my back was intense, while my runner's high was strong. You know the feeling...one of sweat induced pride from a great run. I opened the front door excited to share the good run with Jack and the girls, in addition to sharing there was some fun action at the beach that may be some fun animal life. Heck, it happened in the '80's with Humphry the Humpback Whale in the Bay, so there must have been some fun excitement in the Bay again!
After talking and showering, we got distracted and decided to do some errands instead of rush back to the beach. Thank goodness we changed plans ...Today I brought up in Power Fitness PDX that there was something great at the beach yesterday. Not having any inkling of what a boot camper was about to share, my heart sunk when hearing what the real "something" was at the beach. A man walked into the water attempting to commit suicide and the Police and Fire Departments didn't have the water jurisdiction to rescue him. The many people at the beach didn't act act on the Good Samaritan law since they thought the Fire and Police had it under control. A 20 year old gal finally went out to help rescue the 53 year old man, but it was to late.
Hearing this has infuriated me. Being a lifeguard and swim instructor for years, I would have run into the water and waded to get the man to the shore. When running by the scene, everyone seemed non-chalant as if it wasn't an emergency but a safe rescue situation. Having experienced a dear friend's suicide just last August, it is a horrible experience and you feel helpless in not being able to help the one you loved. You feel helpless not being able to save any life- knowing the person or not. The government officials had the people at the beach, those running by and those who lived in all the apartments on Shoreline, with a false sense of security that they had the situation under control. Typing this has my blood boiling.
How is it, on an island, there is no jurisdiction to rescue people in the water? How is it possible that a man can commit suicide in the middle of the day, with so many watching feeling the situation was under control? How can there not be funds to pay for water rescue training of all officials, but there is money to pay for nice pensions and comfortable salaries??
Needless to say, the run will forever be remembered. One that is so sweet in speed, but bitter in experience. A run that made me think about why we are living in California, a state I love so much, but am so disappointed in with the government and where spending limits it's officials. So I write in hopes others are outraged too. I write in sharing my sadness that a life was lost while others looked on thinking he was ok, and in hoping it is a situation that will never be repeated for the rest of my daughters' lifetime. Once an island girl, always an island girl. But this was one day I wish I grew up on a different island....
** To read the story about the drowning, please read here & here
Monday, May 23, 2011
Bikini
Summer is almost here and with that highlights body image issues for every female. Why do we worry about our bodies so much- how they look, jiggle, move, jump, plump, flop or lift? When eating healthy diets and exercising daily, why do we stress if our bodies can't fight gravity the way we want them to? Where do these insecurities come from, and how can we help our daughters avoid them?
When we lived in LA, we had a blast but knew that it wasn't where we wanted to raise our daughter. When Makenzie was born, we picked 5 cities to move to by the time she was to be 5 years old. We beat that timing and moved to Portland, a city of incredible body acceptance, when Makenzie was shy of 4 months old. The move was significant in Makenzie's first years of life, and my months being postnatal and getting stronger again. In LA when pregnant, I felt ginormous. I was in the fitness industry, and while active I can vividly remember some gentleman with beer bellies at the club I worked at, asking if I was having twins. Exactly what a 5'1" 28 year old wants to hear, especially when she is surrounded by tall soap stars and "stars in their own mind" LA peeps every day. Even being active, we knew it wasn't the healthiest place for us to raise a daughter. And having had an eating disorder in Junior High and High School, if we could prevent any external pressures on body image for our kid, I was determined we would.
Thus Portland- it was great! While a female can never escape the media, in Portland so many women are encouraged and accepted for being rockstar athletes. The confidence in who you are and how you hold yourself flourishes when amongst women who are just happy to BE themselves. Mind you, when in Portland, we were constantly surrounded by other men and women who lived healthy lifestyles since many of our friends were clients and trainers from my fitness businesses. They drank the same "health and fitness" juice that we did; living the life of athletes with kids.
When in Portland, I actually became more confident in my own body. I don't know if it was the ability to feel solid and strong after 2 c-sections, if it was being inspired by the consistent runners I saw every morning in Forest Park or climbing Mt. Tabor stairs with an Ergo and my babies on my back. We all moved because it felt "good to do", and for me I wanted to identify with my athlete self in addition to my Mom self. With that comfort in my own skin, I gained even more confidence in my own training and teaching abilities. It led to not just knowing I was an athlete, but feeling my body could push itself harder than I thought possible. I knew it would hurt, but so many others were training too and to train among some of the best in the world made me push harder. My times got faster which led to me getting more and more inspired. I LOVED, and still do, knowing that Makenzie (and later Emerson) would only know their Mom as someone who ran, rode, swam and trained all the time. They don't know anything but being a female means being strong and embracing your solid legs, smaller chest, and strong back. They know it means you exercise when you first wake up to kick off your day and your metabolism; that you use your body for your vehicle by riding or running to do errands and visit friends.
Every Summer, we made our daily run or ride to the swimming pool. When the girls had lessons I would swim laps, always peaking over in between strokes. I loved watching them jump comfortably in their swimsuits, bum cheeks popping out in their suit bottoms and not caring at all. I relished seeing them joyful as they were moving all over the swimming pool. We swam for hours and would play in the adjacent Grant Park until the sun went down. Continuously it was my goal to tell them how strong their bodies were, how incredible their bodies were for doing big jumps and swimming with big rainbow arms. I was focused, and will forever be, in making sure they know their body is a gift and to embrace all it has to offer.
It is hard as a Mom to do that at times, since everyone has days where they don't feel "right" in their own skin. Guys want to be a bit stronger with bigger shoulders while ladies are eager for a flat stomach and bums you could bounce quarters off of. As a Mom, it evolves to the midsection. As much core work as you do, you will forever have an altered core from growing beautiful little beings in you. Even for those who train for hours, your body does change and it is part of nature. It shouldn't be fought but embraced.
A few years back when teaching Baby Boot Camp, some of the boot campers were complaining about their cores and not being what they were pre-pregnancy. I will never forget stopping them mid-run with a serious teaching voice and explaining how as a female one of the biggest jobs nobody tells you about is retraining your body how to work post childbirth. But as you retrain, you will most likely be stronger than you were before kids and will be able to physically handle more than pre-children. A few of the ladies continued verbalizing their frustrations and said we, the instructors, didn't know what it was like since we were in shape. At that, 2 other instructors and myself lifted our workout tanks and showed the gals our stomachs. While all were strong and toned, we also had a bit of skin shift at the belly button or lower abdomen from c-sections. Even with strong solid stomachs, we all did have children and embraced our bodies for doing so. We also tried to not focus on it, but focus on how many push ups we could do, how fast we could run, how high we could jump, or how our weeks' were better for exercising together.
Last week we were getting ready to swim and Makenzie made a comment about being fat in a swimsuit. My jaw dropped to the ground and immediately we discussed how beautiful her strong body was. She said it not with worry, but in a matter of fact manner. Emerson was standing beside me and said loudly, "Makenzie you are not fat! You are strong and can swim like a mermaid". Proud Mama moment to hear Emerson talk, but mixed moment to hear Makenzie's words. I asked where the comment came from and she said that at school some of the girls were talking about their bodies and since they said they felt fat, she did too. So there we were, my two beautiful girls and myself in our bikinis, having a body image talk. I told Makenzie that girls hear things about their bodies and shouldn't worry about it, but be so happy for strong bodies that can work incredibly! Her body has gone through more than many do in a lifetime and is so stellar in all it has done and will continue to do. We talked about all the dynamic things our bodies can do and how it doesn't matter how we look, but how we feel and to always be active and have fun with what bodies we were given. I poked fun at myself for being short, but able to walk under tree branches without ducking. We pointed out our freckles, different eye colors and cool scars. Then we walked to the pool standing tall and cannon balled into the water holding hands.
I know I can't protect my daughters from external images and what the media presents regarding women and their bodies. But I can try my hardest, as can you, to encourage self acceptance and pride in the great bodies they(and all others) have been given. There are not enough minutes in the day to spend worrying about not fitting into a specific model standard. Instead use what would be worry minutes to be physical and get the endorphin rush. It is much more rewarding than 30 minutes spent contemplating one's boob or booty size.
Grab your bikini, your smile and head to the pool proudly. You have an incredible body and now is your time to make it shine!!!!
When we lived in LA, we had a blast but knew that it wasn't where we wanted to raise our daughter. When Makenzie was born, we picked 5 cities to move to by the time she was to be 5 years old. We beat that timing and moved to Portland, a city of incredible body acceptance, when Makenzie was shy of 4 months old. The move was significant in Makenzie's first years of life, and my months being postnatal and getting stronger again. In LA when pregnant, I felt ginormous. I was in the fitness industry, and while active I can vividly remember some gentleman with beer bellies at the club I worked at, asking if I was having twins. Exactly what a 5'1" 28 year old wants to hear, especially when she is surrounded by tall soap stars and "stars in their own mind" LA peeps every day. Even being active, we knew it wasn't the healthiest place for us to raise a daughter. And having had an eating disorder in Junior High and High School, if we could prevent any external pressures on body image for our kid, I was determined we would.
Thus Portland- it was great! While a female can never escape the media, in Portland so many women are encouraged and accepted for being rockstar athletes. The confidence in who you are and how you hold yourself flourishes when amongst women who are just happy to BE themselves. Mind you, when in Portland, we were constantly surrounded by other men and women who lived healthy lifestyles since many of our friends were clients and trainers from my fitness businesses. They drank the same "health and fitness" juice that we did; living the life of athletes with kids.
 |
| 2010 Summer -Lake Tahoe- Swimsuit pride! |
Every Summer, we made our daily run or ride to the swimming pool. When the girls had lessons I would swim laps, always peaking over in between strokes. I loved watching them jump comfortably in their swimsuits, bum cheeks popping out in their suit bottoms and not caring at all. I relished seeing them joyful as they were moving all over the swimming pool. We swam for hours and would play in the adjacent Grant Park until the sun went down. Continuously it was my goal to tell them how strong their bodies were, how incredible their bodies were for doing big jumps and swimming with big rainbow arms. I was focused, and will forever be, in making sure they know their body is a gift and to embrace all it has to offer.
 |
| pool joy |
A few years back when teaching Baby Boot Camp, some of the boot campers were complaining about their cores and not being what they were pre-pregnancy. I will never forget stopping them mid-run with a serious teaching voice and explaining how as a female one of the biggest jobs nobody tells you about is retraining your body how to work post childbirth. But as you retrain, you will most likely be stronger than you were before kids and will be able to physically handle more than pre-children. A few of the ladies continued verbalizing their frustrations and said we, the instructors, didn't know what it was like since we were in shape. At that, 2 other instructors and myself lifted our workout tanks and showed the gals our stomachs. While all were strong and toned, we also had a bit of skin shift at the belly button or lower abdomen from c-sections. Even with strong solid stomachs, we all did have children and embraced our bodies for doing so. We also tried to not focus on it, but focus on how many push ups we could do, how fast we could run, how high we could jump, or how our weeks' were better for exercising together.
Last week we were getting ready to swim and Makenzie made a comment about being fat in a swimsuit. My jaw dropped to the ground and immediately we discussed how beautiful her strong body was. She said it not with worry, but in a matter of fact manner. Emerson was standing beside me and said loudly, "Makenzie you are not fat! You are strong and can swim like a mermaid". Proud Mama moment to hear Emerson talk, but mixed moment to hear Makenzie's words. I asked where the comment came from and she said that at school some of the girls were talking about their bodies and since they said they felt fat, she did too. So there we were, my two beautiful girls and myself in our bikinis, having a body image talk. I told Makenzie that girls hear things about their bodies and shouldn't worry about it, but be so happy for strong bodies that can work incredibly! Her body has gone through more than many do in a lifetime and is so stellar in all it has done and will continue to do. We talked about all the dynamic things our bodies can do and how it doesn't matter how we look, but how we feel and to always be active and have fun with what bodies we were given. I poked fun at myself for being short, but able to walk under tree branches without ducking. We pointed out our freckles, different eye colors and cool scars. Then we walked to the pool standing tall and cannon balled into the water holding hands.
 |
| proud to be STRONG |
Grab your bikini, your smile and head to the pool proudly. You have an incredible body and now is your time to make it shine!!!!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Why to push it on Saturdays? Blog from single-parenting Saturday, April 23rd
 | |
| At the Railroad Revival Tour- | 4.21.11 |
Thus, it made me think. What is it that pushes your limits with your kids? When do you realize you need a 20 minute quick run, to lock yourself in the basement, or to grab a glass of wine and sit on the back deck? What puts you over the edge?
On this element of challenge and determination, it is hard to be a fitness professional as others see it always easy to train and that workouts are easy for you. While working out and training is definitely my passion, and I have a high tolerance since I love it, there are still days when it is hard to be on no sleep and I have to make myself push through the first 10-20 minutes before I can stop. I don't allow myself to quit or complain as I know when I can really complain-when pushing my heart rate to the max and feeling like I will flop over with depletion. Truly though, every Mom has to juggle and every Mom has days and limits. I think if we can all understand and pat each others' backs for efforts well done, instead of being quick to whine (or wine!), the long days would be a bit easier. Especially when you have your running shoes, iPod, and a sunset to run towards...
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
St Patricks Day 2011
Many Memories Shamrock St. Patrick's Day Card
Shutterfly custom Valentines Day and Mother's Day cards.
View the entire collection of cards.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Living to JUST GO FOR IT!!
Part of being home and embarking on life post almost losing your child is you realize you have to just GO FOR IT! You really do; no questions, no hesitations, but to just live life fully and try everything. We have always encouraged our daughters to do that, and while it is nerve-wracking at times, it is also freeing to know that we all genuinely hold the potential to do any and everything. When you don't over think and do, your life feels 10 pounds lighter.
This past week, I have just DONE. I took some risks, had so much fun and packed a lot of new adventures into one week. You know what.... it felt great! It felt liberating! I was LAUGHING a lot with every new adventure. One of the biggest ones was entering a contest to become the new Real Model Cover Model for Fitness Magazine. I entered last Friday night, February 18th, not knowing what I was getting into. I was nervous to press send on my photo and essay, but I figured what do I have to lose! Why not, life is to short, right? We know that so very well with our miracle daughters, so I thought I should just do it. I am not 5'10 and big chested, but 5'1 with a small chest, strong legs and can run for miles. I was nervous about putting a swimsuit photo up with the girls, because it's not a women flexing in a bikini with make up like the others, but it is REAL and me!
Now I am in the Top 10 in the Country and have been all week! Currently I am #6 and in 36 hours we find out who wins. Friends and family have been very supportive and sharing the link and my story with everyone. At first I was uncomfortable saying what I did, and then I stepped back and thought who the heck cares! Let's see what happens and I will tell all my family and friends to VOTE!!
So please take a minute to vote- it is very fast. 10 seconds at most! You vote, submit, answer the question, submit the vote, and share the link. Press like on the FB button, and voila vote is done!
VOTE HERE- THE LINK-
Makenzie and Emerson are getting excited and while Jack doesn't like the voting process (the technical element) he is supportive too. From something on a whim, is now something of a chance and means a lot.
Why I decided to do this some friends have asked--- The story
I have never been one to not try something because of nerves, hence jumping off high rocks in Waimea Bay in Hawaii, or the high dive at age 5 giving my Mom a heart attack. But I do have natural hesitations and nerves that pop through. While I know it is normal, I also know that they need to be thrown out the window because each moment is a new opportunity to live fuller and more vibrantly.
When in Portland, I did tv segments with Better TV. I loved it and had fun, and while there were natural body image concerns with being on tv, I felt confident that I was a real Mom and Trainer who didn't have a boob job and had strong legs. It was fun to do TV, and I had met with producers about potentially making some Fitness DVD's. But it came to financing, and then some of my nerves got the best of me. When pregnant with Emerson, I thought I would get right back to that goal after she was born. I had connections, my mom-students in Baby Boot Camp and Power Outdoor Fitness asking me to make them, and was comfortable with a microphone. But...I got pneumonia when 6 weeks postnatal, Emerson got pneumonia-pertusis-RSV at 7 weeks old, and my Dad was with an unexpected heart condition.
I had the rug pulled from under me and suddenly I didn't have any energy left to focus on my own goals of television or growing my fitness business personality. I tried to juggle Emerson's needs, 4 year old Makenzie, and owning two fitness businesses while being a full time Mom. Anxiousness set in and my juggling wasn't working. I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression, it's what I helped train women to prevent in Baby Boot Camp. Yet I couldn't fight nature and had to face it. I did, through exercise, therapy and hard work. I decided to sell one of my businesses and cut back on work.
One year later, Fall of 2009, I was ready again to make my mark! I sold my Baby Boot Camp business, owned Power Outdoor Fitness and Power Fitness PDX, and was trying to garner my schedule to work best with the girls. Makenzie was in Kindergarten, Emerson was having fun, I was trying to be at peace ...but with the economy Jack's job wasn't going well as a Recruiter and he got laid off without severance or benefits. I thought, "Oh no, wait, how could this be we were at a great place!". Yet again, rug pulled out, I jumped over the dust bunnies that remained and made sure to start over again full force in a new city and new state. So after no jobs in the Portland area, we moved to California in the New Year. The seed to just GO FOR IT was still planted away, and I knew my time would come to have fun on camera in the Bay Area. I needed to get settled first in life. To find a house, have the girls comfortable and meeting people, support Jack in his new job, start my business again, and attempt to feel situated in our new, but my old, city. Yet, I knew it would work! I did, I knew I could gradually get there again to put myself out there for maybe local fitness pieces, etc. Come Summer, we were there! Life was grand, we were flourishing as a whole and I was ready to focus on my business goals.
Then BOOM, like a mac truck we were hit the blow of Makenzie getting so sick and almost dying. The doctors had no idea what was going on, and within hours of being in the hospital we didn't know if Makenzie would make it, what was going on with her, why or how long it would be. Life stopped and while others were moving on in the world outside Children's Hospital and UCSF experiencing Fall and Winter, we were going day -to -day trying to cope and live. I dropped everything to be there for Makenzie and make sure to be her Mom, nurse, friend, supporter, advocate, and nurturer. I also tried to nurture Emerson and Jack in the same. And...we did it! We all survived and made it through. Not unscarred mentally and Makenzie physically, but we did it and learned so much about the human spirit, community, blessings and the true will to live fully!!!
We have been on a gradual climb back to normalcy and back to feeling good!!! Makenzie is settled in school again, doing incredible (Read her latest Caring Bridge Update), and getting stronger each day! Emerson is LOVING preschool in Tiny Tots, flourishing in being 3 with ALL of us at home. Jack has been able to submerge himself to his job and likes his new company more than he realized. He is even starting a new 5013c! So...as I am maintaining my sense of balance in juggling all of this, trying to digest everything, I realized it is my time to just GO FOR IT AGAIN!
Thus, I entered the contest which for me took some courage, but it was so very freeing and exciting! I didn't even think at first of the potential opportunities that can evolve from this for my family, my business and personal goals, other women to be exposed to some of my own experiences that may give a sense of guidance and hope, and a real means to overcome and do the Fitness DVD.
In one week, I entered the Fitness Magazine Cover Model contest (eek!), did a pole dancing class with my dear college bestie Bo, played with our loving dear friends Erin & Dylan, went to the PRINCE concert college Bestie Erika, did open gym gymnastics class last night with the Power Fitness PDX ladies, and today subbed Baby Boot Camp Oakland. How much I have missed just playing and having fun with my girlfriends too!!! It has been a week of balancing, while taking care of me too and making my own goals of FUN with FRIENDS and living fully happen! My Power Fitness PDX goals are getting accomplished too faster than I thought with relaunching in January. Had an incredible meeting with Lucy on Tuesday, which had me leave smiling. I worked with them in Portland, and now, a new working relationship that is mutually beneficial. It is incredible and while my families life is getting balance, my own life is getting some balance too! It is dynamic and fun and while I am waiting for a little rug to potentially be pulled from under us again, I'll just keep GOING FOR IT like my daughters have taught me.
This past week, I have just DONE. I took some risks, had so much fun and packed a lot of new adventures into one week. You know what.... it felt great! It felt liberating! I was LAUGHING a lot with every new adventure. One of the biggest ones was entering a contest to become the new Real Model Cover Model for Fitness Magazine. I entered last Friday night, February 18th, not knowing what I was getting into. I was nervous to press send on my photo and essay, but I figured what do I have to lose! Why not, life is to short, right? We know that so very well with our miracle daughters, so I thought I should just do it. I am not 5'10 and big chested, but 5'1 with a small chest, strong legs and can run for miles. I was nervous about putting a swimsuit photo up with the girls, because it's not a women flexing in a bikini with make up like the others, but it is REAL and me!
Now I am in the Top 10 in the Country and have been all week! Currently I am #6 and in 36 hours we find out who wins. Friends and family have been very supportive and sharing the link and my story with everyone. At first I was uncomfortable saying what I did, and then I stepped back and thought who the heck cares! Let's see what happens and I will tell all my family and friends to VOTE!!
So please take a minute to vote- it is very fast. 10 seconds at most! You vote, submit, answer the question, submit the vote, and share the link. Press like on the FB button, and voila vote is done!
VOTE HERE- THE LINK-
Why I decided to do this some friends have asked--- The story
I have never been one to not try something because of nerves, hence jumping off high rocks in Waimea Bay in Hawaii, or the high dive at age 5 giving my Mom a heart attack. But I do have natural hesitations and nerves that pop through. While I know it is normal, I also know that they need to be thrown out the window because each moment is a new opportunity to live fuller and more vibrantly.
When in Portland, I did tv segments with Better TV. I loved it and had fun, and while there were natural body image concerns with being on tv, I felt confident that I was a real Mom and Trainer who didn't have a boob job and had strong legs. It was fun to do TV, and I had met with producers about potentially making some Fitness DVD's. But it came to financing, and then some of my nerves got the best of me. When pregnant with Emerson, I thought I would get right back to that goal after she was born. I had connections, my mom-students in Baby Boot Camp and Power Outdoor Fitness asking me to make them, and was comfortable with a microphone. But...I got pneumonia when 6 weeks postnatal, Emerson got pneumonia-pertusis-RSV at 7 weeks old, and my Dad was with an unexpected heart condition.
I had the rug pulled from under me and suddenly I didn't have any energy left to focus on my own goals of television or growing my fitness business personality. I tried to juggle Emerson's needs, 4 year old Makenzie, and owning two fitness businesses while being a full time Mom. Anxiousness set in and my juggling wasn't working. I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression, it's what I helped train women to prevent in Baby Boot Camp. Yet I couldn't fight nature and had to face it. I did, through exercise, therapy and hard work. I decided to sell one of my businesses and cut back on work.
One year later, Fall of 2009, I was ready again to make my mark! I sold my Baby Boot Camp business, owned Power Outdoor Fitness and Power Fitness PDX, and was trying to garner my schedule to work best with the girls. Makenzie was in Kindergarten, Emerson was having fun, I was trying to be at peace ...but with the economy Jack's job wasn't going well as a Recruiter and he got laid off without severance or benefits. I thought, "Oh no, wait, how could this be we were at a great place!". Yet again, rug pulled out, I jumped over the dust bunnies that remained and made sure to start over again full force in a new city and new state. So after no jobs in the Portland area, we moved to California in the New Year. The seed to just GO FOR IT was still planted away, and I knew my time would come to have fun on camera in the Bay Area. I needed to get settled first in life. To find a house, have the girls comfortable and meeting people, support Jack in his new job, start my business again, and attempt to feel situated in our new, but my old, city. Yet, I knew it would work! I did, I knew I could gradually get there again to put myself out there for maybe local fitness pieces, etc. Come Summer, we were there! Life was grand, we were flourishing as a whole and I was ready to focus on my business goals.
Then BOOM, like a mac truck we were hit the blow of Makenzie getting so sick and almost dying. The doctors had no idea what was going on, and within hours of being in the hospital we didn't know if Makenzie would make it, what was going on with her, why or how long it would be. Life stopped and while others were moving on in the world outside Children's Hospital and UCSF experiencing Fall and Winter, we were going day -to -day trying to cope and live. I dropped everything to be there for Makenzie and make sure to be her Mom, nurse, friend, supporter, advocate, and nurturer. I also tried to nurture Emerson and Jack in the same. And...we did it! We all survived and made it through. Not unscarred mentally and Makenzie physically, but we did it and learned so much about the human spirit, community, blessings and the true will to live fully!!!
We have been on a gradual climb back to normalcy and back to feeling good!!! Makenzie is settled in school again, doing incredible (Read her latest Caring Bridge Update), and getting stronger each day! Emerson is LOVING preschool in Tiny Tots, flourishing in being 3 with ALL of us at home. Jack has been able to submerge himself to his job and likes his new company more than he realized. He is even starting a new 5013c! So...as I am maintaining my sense of balance in juggling all of this, trying to digest everything, I realized it is my time to just GO FOR IT AGAIN!
Thus, I entered the contest which for me took some courage, but it was so very freeing and exciting! I didn't even think at first of the potential opportunities that can evolve from this for my family, my business and personal goals, other women to be exposed to some of my own experiences that may give a sense of guidance and hope, and a real means to overcome and do the Fitness DVD.
In one week, I entered the Fitness Magazine Cover Model contest (eek!), did a pole dancing class with my dear college bestie Bo, played with our loving dear friends Erin & Dylan, went to the PRINCE concert college Bestie Erika, did open gym gymnastics class last night with the Power Fitness PDX ladies, and today subbed Baby Boot Camp Oakland. How much I have missed just playing and having fun with my girlfriends too!!! It has been a week of balancing, while taking care of me too and making my own goals of FUN with FRIENDS and living fully happen! My Power Fitness PDX goals are getting accomplished too faster than I thought with relaunching in January. Had an incredible meeting with Lucy on Tuesday, which had me leave smiling. I worked with them in Portland, and now, a new working relationship that is mutually beneficial. It is incredible and while my families life is getting balance, my own life is getting some balance too! It is dynamic and fun and while I am waiting for a little rug to potentially be pulled from under us again, I'll just keep GOING FOR IT like my daughters have taught me.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Running in fog but through the wind
Last week I had a list of things to get done with re-launching my business and the fitness challenge coming up, but Emerson was very punky and needed to be home getting better. She had a cold that is pretty brutal. It's not a big deal though compared to anything else and we just moved along and went with how she felt. So I dropped my "to do list" and cuddled a lot. She would cough through the night, whine out and immediately we'd jump to get her. When snuggling in our bed she would pull us right close, so tight that we are cheek to cheek all night, and then would cough all night. Lovely visual, eh? Let me tell you it is a gift to be a Mom, but moments like that of coughs in your face as you calm your kiddo let you know it is a nonstop "gift" of patience and calm since you know you're next in line for the cold.
Emerson being an RSV-pertusis- pneumonia kid has us worried when she catches a cold since she can go from 0 to 60 in a few hours. I took her to the doctor's on Tuesday to take a peak and see. It was the best MD appointment we've had in a very long time.....no ears or throat infections and Makenzie read to her the entire visit. Gradually she got better and then I got it. No big deal though, I run through it. I know it can be much worse and outside of my running gloves being washed after each runny nose induced run, it's all good. But why was it I still was getting flustered and feeling foggy? Why, some mornings after teaching or training, would I feel a punch to my gut and some nerves being stirred? I was doing everything right I thought. We were all getting a routine, Jack and I were communicating about schedules, and talking a lot about our own balance within the family. E had no ear or throat infections and loves school and M was doing incredible in school making it 'till 1:30 most days already. Yet I couldn't get the weight off my shoulders to feel "light".
In all this windy clarity it hit me....I have been given the time to process what happened with Makenzie and to "move on" and be grateful she made it. But I fear that if I move to far forward I am setting myself up for disappointment and scare if she suddenly has to go back to UCSF. I have been working on creating balance again, a sense of structure and schedule for not only Makenzie but for all of us. My business is set for training between 4:45-7:45 am, so I don't miss time with the girls or Jack and can work with my clients and boot camps. Emerson has Preschool twice each week, Makenzie is doing better each day and gaining even more courage. Jack is loving his job and feels good, even tough he works late because he is happy with what he is doing. All of this is incredible...and feeling clean and bright. It feels good and blissful in many ways, but it is starting to feel like when we moved into our house and were starting to feel settled last September. It was the time right when Makenzie got sick and our lives were changed. I think that is what scares me.
Yesterday morning a friend from Makenzie's school asked me if we knew the cause for what happened. She asked me with a fearful laugh adding, "Do you know so we can all make sure to not do it?". I didn't take it as rude, I took it as her being nervous about it happening again and concerned if it could happen to her daughter. We've been asked the question regularly by friends and acquaintances and dealt with it each time with similar answers, such as "We have no idea, she is an anomoly". But I go back and repeat every event leading up to Makenzie getting sick; thinking if there was any moment we could have prevented what happened. If there was anything we could have done to avoid her experiencing all the pain, scares and scars. But as we've been told by the doctor's, there isn't any rhyme or reason why and if it will happen again. Still, I ask myself and have to find courage and peace to face the answer of no answer.
When I stopped at the beach to look at the City, I realized I am scared BUT craving balance because it means we will be getting more and more back to "normal". But we'll never be "normal" again, and knowing anything can change in an instant, is scary. We just have to LIVE and know it's OK to be scared about the unanswered questions. It is not being pessimistic as someone said to me, as I am a glass "half full" type of person, BUT I don't have to be brave all the time and am allowed to be scared of being "normal" again. Normal is when our world fell apart...and we had to just go with it and not resist but be patient and pray. I feel clearer with the ability of knowing that it's ok to grieve as I heal since the more we get back to normal, the harder it will be if anything happens again. But being back in a normal routine balances out my inner peace, and normalcy is ok. It doesn't mean a rug will be pulled out from under us again, it means we can just "live" each day. It means I can keep running and not have to stop for long periods of time. But if I do, I know how to pick up and keep going again and again.
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