Third Times the Charm

Where PFPDX,POF,BBC began

I just returned from our third annual trip to the Pacific Northwest. We moved to Alameda 2.5 years ago and since we moved I have driven to Portland and Seattle to visit the week before Hood to Coast.  Jack flies up to join us mid trip. This year was special in that we all feel settled in Alameda. We love and miss Portland tremendously, and it will always have a big part of our hearts and history, but we've grown so much as a family and in creating our home where ever we "are". Cliche, I know, but it's true.

Emerson exploring the Rose Garden

Let's be real honest here...I was very resentful when we moved back to Alameda.  Portland was "our" city. It was a place that Jack and I decided to take leaps and bounds to create a new adventure in.  While living in Playa Del Rey (a small LA Beach City) when Makenzie was 3 months old we flipped a coin between Portland and New Orleans, and Portland won out.  At the time, I remember thinking Portland is a place people settle in and New Orleans was the city with the real "adventure". How wrong I was, but how unknowingly right too. The city was an open book for us, with stories yet to be created and written. We wrote big stories each year, experiencing and creating new adventures each week.  We made friends, got networked in and created our families roots in the city of green tree huggers.  Through our time, the friendships expanded to more of "family" and solidified which evolved to seeing a friend in each neighborhood of the city.  While yes it was rainy in the Winter (Spring and Summer too) it felt good.  Portland just felt, and always will feel, good to my soul.

Rose Garden Beauty Bug

We were all saddened upon leaving, honestly heartbroken to leave Portland but now, 2.5 years later, we visited with new traditions and roots in Alameda.  When we moved to Alameda, much of my resentment came from growing up in Alameda and feeling that coming home meant I had failed.  It meant I didn't have the ability to get off the "island" and live as the adventurous spirit I feel and define myself as having.  A silly thought and one that's been proven untrue, but we often hold onto notions from our childhood that keep us from being at peace with where we are.  For me it was coming "home" by default (job loss) verses choice.  Yes we made a choice to move to Alameda over other places in the Bay Area.  I had a lovely childhood growing up here, and Jack was always fond of it when visiting my family throughout the years.  Even with appreciating it's charm and being by family, the movie Hope Floats when Birdie moves from Chicago back to the small Southern town she grew up in would play in my mind...every time I ran into an old teacher in the grocery store, my orthodontist while swimming laps, or kids I babysat for who now are taller and look down to say "Hello" to me.  At first I wasn't allowing myself to truly see Alameda for the wonderful city it is, and charm it has.  In the beginning I didn't realize the incredible opportunity my own family had in living close by family while creating fun adventures of our own in the Bay Area.

Some of our favorite "gifts" from Portland!  xoxox to Sheri, Missy, Melica, Rumi, Jen & all the kidlets

Thankfully, those notions evolved and were thrown out the window.   Now, over two years later, it feels good.  This visit to Portland we had comfort, love, laughter, fun, and did a lot...but stepped back to relish being with our friends and doing nothing but laughing in their backyards.  One afternoon we even had a Shirey family afternoon of fun.  After having an afternoon playdate and picnic in our favorite park, the Castle Park, with many dear friends we took Emerson to the Rose Garden.  The girls, along with their friend Lydia, did performances on the stage.  Emerson then ran through the Rose Garden with me to smell every rose, and all of us took in people watching by one of our favorite fountains.  This time, the girls decided to dance, splash and attempt to pocket some change from it which entertained many tourists walking by.  We shared that it would ruin people's wishes, so they had to keep it put or the wish fairies would see...oy vey. We left the Rose Garden and went to our first home, neighborhood and park in NW Portland.  At Wallace Park on NW 25th the Swift Chimney stood tall in a bright blue sky.  Wandering through the "secret" paths, listening to Makenzie share with Emerson what their "favorites" were reminded me that each trip to Portland for Emerson is creating new memories of what the city was to her. Since she was shy of 2 when we moved, she doesn't remember every ounce of Portland as home. Everyone's shared stories of Portland life become her stories of the life she experienced.

Another St. Honore pastry please!

All four of us were swinging high just taking in the afternoon.  Makenzie pointed out a castle house in the NW hills, which made my tummy lump since it was her favorite house to walk by as a toddler and she didn't remember that.  While all of us were swinging in Wallace Park, Jack and I looked at each other and both said, "This feels good.  We could easily moved back sometime, which feels good deep in our core. Especially since our life in Alameda is great too."  We were embracing the happiness roaming through the four of us.  The afternoon continued for the four of us enjoying St. Honore, DragonFly and other favorites.  We drove by our old house in NE Portland and the rose bush we planted was still blooming.  Our hearts felt content, while all of us shared funny stories of our life before.

Time flies and we all evolve and move on, but expect some things to forever be the same.  We visit places we used to live and hold them close to our heart, or sometimes try to leave them far away in the past.  Regardless, the time spent remembering is always sweet to visit, to feel the love of a heart city again.  Portland is our "heart city". It has a big place in our heart, and holds some of our most cherished friends. But this visit to our heart city allowed us to embrace what we love about it while spending time with our forever friends.  We could do this on a deeper level since we feel grateful to now call Alameda our home.  The feeling is good. It feels good to leave Portland after the 3rd Summer visit knowing that each visit back to our heart city allows for new memories to be made and  friendships deepened before we drive back to our home...wherever it may be.

Portland, Oregon - forever our Heart City

Happy Independence Day!

Happy Independence Day!  What a great day in America. So much fun, full of fireworks, laughter, parades, showing support and camaraderie for living in an incredible country.  Guess what though? I have been thinking lately about how incredible it is to also be independent of negative body image and self talk.  There have been numerous instances the past weeks allowing me to free myself of certain barriers holding me back... for whatever reasons; many that I didn't even realize still existed. Be independent of those barriers my friends, be independent!

Throughout the past 14 days I have put on a special challenge for anyone needing a push and jump start in their health and fitness. The Challenge came to be because of some boot campers coming to class, but feeling in a rut, and from hearing others share the same sentiments. So I decided I'd put a Challenge together to challenge myself to get out of my rut, to encourage people to feel clean from the inside out. I had no idea along the way while doing the videos I would gain more body confidence and more independence of certain ideals holding me back.

When I was 14-24 I suffered an eating disorder, but body image issues began when I was in elementary school.  I remember writing in an old Ramona Quimby journal at age 10 that my wish for my birthday was to lose 10 pounds.  At age 10 I thought that!  I did sports and was active, but always felt the squat girl in school.  In Junior High I played soccer, swim team, had fun with friends but the little voice was in the back of my brain saying I was to big for what I was "supposed to be". Gradually the eating disorder started in 8th grade.  While dormant off and on throughout my teens, it would leap out to bite me in the arse whenever there were stressful situations. Ironically having an eating disorder is what helped me decide to get into the field of health and fitness in High School.  I had a desire to help other girls develop their self-esteem through athletics. I gained more and more confidence each month as I learned about my own strengths within.  But there would be days I would look at myself in the mirror and think of Jyo B. calling me a short fat girl my freshman year. I was a whopping 97 pounds.  Incredible how the nasty comments by someone when young can stick with you; their hurt full words do sting like a bee. But you can free yourself from their poisonous sting with lots of miles and mental  coaching.

E Riding Proudly on 4th of July

The stinging sensation that crawls under your skin with every negative comment, either from someone else or from your inner voices, is horrid.  I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy. It breaks your soul into pieces, and picking up the mess of the pieces is a long process.  A very long process that can be done, it truly can.  It can happen with time, therapy, confidence, courage and believing in yourself.  Fortunate for me, I have had an incredibly supportive family and got married to the most supportive husband a girl could ask for. Both of whom helped me discover and evolve the inner strengths I had, while I was helping other women and men do the same.

Rush forward to June 2012.  I have been in the health and fitness industry since I was 20, learning so much each class I teach.  I want to always instill body confidence in every client, regardless of what size the participant is.  One of the goals is for my clients is to leave the notions at the door of what they "should" look like, where they were size wise as a collegiate athlete, and focus with where they are NOW  There is no shortage of time to make themselves the healthiest and strongest they have ever been, but they have to start with where their body is currently.  You can't go back in time, but only can move forward and create the life you want to live.  Naturally with that growth comes an inner strength and courage to accept and love their bodies. To conquer the demons of "I can't", "I hate my belly", "I wish my back was strong" is hard work. It is change and getting strong through push ups, pull ups, sprints, high jumps. With each repetition  of the exercises, there are kind words of support to themselves.  Repeating, "This year will be my best yet.  I CAN DO THIS! I will talk to myself the way I would my children and my best friend."  Yes, it can sound a bit silly at first but it works.  Repetition works.

HAPPY & Independent Mama and E

What also works is being a role model to those around you, the little ones who look up to you each day.  For me it is our  little girls who you have a desire to raise to strong young women proud of their bodies, proud of their ability to run far and play hard.  To know my daughters only know of a scale for stepping on it proudly to see how "big" they are growing is significant to me, verses stepping on a scale to see how much they weigh.  Watching them ask to do pull ups on the bar in our kitchen warms my heart.  Hearing them ask to go for bike rides and admire the muscles in their legs while cycling melts me.  Listening to them sing loudly as they practice cartwheels repeatedly is music to my ears.  Little bubbles of joy let out each time I see them compliment themselves and their strengths. 

Thus, repetition of kindness, support and giving compliments to yourself are great ways to improve your self esteem. It helps you gain more independence of the negative thoughts that seem to hinder around.  When filming the Challenge videos, I have laughed at the funny angles of my body.  I've noticed phrases I repeat to much and that my core is strong but can use more strengthening. But with noticing both, I realized don't feel bad for who I am and what my body looks like. I see how encouraging I am towards those I film the videos for.  I have noticed that while I may be short and a mesomorph, my back muscles pop out from doing thousands of push ups and pull ups.  While watching the videos, I became truly aware of the little amount of time it's been post surgeries to now watching my body comfortably jump all over the camera motivating others to do the same.  I notice my interactions with my youngest daughter when she pops into filming; how easy and happy she is playing.  While I have learned certain angles are better than others, I feel good that doing the videos share and show you can be a real Mom, an athlete, raise happy little kids, juggle work while making health, fitness and yourself a priority in life.  I also notice that it shows I am HAPPY. The happiness and confidence comes across on camera.  That is the best gift I have given myself, my kids, my friends, and clients. 

While I am naturally an optimistic and happy person, the happiness on camera that shows is a byproduct from gaining independence of the old negative body image thoughts.  Sure, I would love to look like Dara Torres but I never will and I am perfectly fine with that.  I can admire her incredible strength and the hours put in to developing those muscles. I am the one and only ME, and you are the one and only YOU.  Love your body...short, tall, apple, pear, with extra love on your hips or extra love on your tummy.  Love your body as it changes and grows, getting stronger and more solid each workout.  Thank your body for allowing you to push through each day, with every activity  you do.  Enjoy your body as it becomes the healthiest yet.  

I ask you...be independent of negative thoughts from this 4th of July on. Look at your ONE body and love it.  If you have little elements you want to change- do sports and activities that make you feel good.  Open up to embrace your COURAGE!!  Look at what you have done with life, who you are, and what you want to become.  YOU can become anything and do anything at any age. Right now, I am going to become a sweaty mess and embrace my strong legs and back while doing so in the gym.

Happy Independence Day!!

xoxoxo Erin

* Take a moment to read the post on Scales. Also a byproduct of the Challenge, and helping others.  Put my weight out there without thinking twice.  *